Sunday, May 2, 2010

Morbid Monday 1: Death by Clown Car

We've all seen one either in an actual circus, a cartoon... or at the very least heard of one. Picture a small car, often made up to resemble a VW Beetle (if not an actual VW Beetle) and out of it climb clown after clown. That's right, I'm talking about that well-known and highly feared implement of death... THE CLOWN CAR.

I can think of a worse way to go, but even so, death by clown car has to rank very high on the most embarrassing ways to die list. Sure if you died being run over by a clown car it could be a rather pedestrian death (Bad pun intentional), but what if it were worse than that? What if, heaven forbid, it was a death that needed EXPLAINING?

Imagine the proverbial line in front of the pearly gates where one finds himself or herself shunted off into the Questionable Death Queue where instead of St. Peter, he or she has to face some unnamed holdover from the old testament who looks at them with a funny look and asks, "What exactly were you doing underneath all those clowns in the backseat?"

I don't see how a person could recover from that. Even the serial killers would laugh. Okay, well everyone would laugh. Perhaps I should say especially the serial killers would laugh except for the one in the back kicking himself for not having thought of that execution method himself.

Either way, I don't think the Questionable Death Queue man would go for it.

"We don't take your kind here," the man with the bushy white eyebrows might say and whoosh off to hell with the other deviants clown fetishists. It really doesn't bear thinking about. Come to think of it, it isn't really all that much better if one tripped on the way out of the clown car having survived the clown on clown sardine action only trip and impale oneself on a monkey. The little man from the Questionable Deaths Queue is even more likely to raise an eyebrow and deliver a GO TO HELL verdict before the poor soul in question can manage a "But wait! When I say impaled myself on a monkey I didn't mean it like THAT..."

Call me crazy, but Death by Clown Car? I'd avoid it. Wouldn't you?

P.S. I know this blog is going up a little late, but as the song goes:

Some blog in the morning
Some blog late at night
Other choose the afternoon...
It's afternoon delight.

(Or something like that, You know. Maybe there isn't even a song at all. Oh well.)


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