Write the Fantastic

Favorite Panel Friday (The Totally Timely Eition)

2012-01-20T07:00:00.001-06:00

This was totally up on Friday and I didn't back post the date at all. It's just that I'm a time traveler and you all noticed the change... Unless you didn't and then... never mind. ;)

This week's comics could not stand up to the awesomeness of Jonathan Hickman's run on Fantastic Four and FF, which I must admit I read for the first time this week. There are many moments that stand out. Council of Reeds moments, Valeria moments, Namor moments... Ah, the Namor moments...

Fantastic Four # 585

I love it when those beats in a story arrive where it could be much easier to "fix" things by having a character act differently than they should and turn into what I call a Plot Robot. Stories work sooo much better when the plot is crafted around how a character should respond. They feel more genuine and satisfying. Hickman does that very well. You'd honk all writers would do that, but...

Ahem.

But if I'm going to pick a panel from a more recent issue of Fantastic Four as a favorite panel, I pick...

Fantastic Four # 601

I just love the the idea of Captain America at such a loss for words that he has to toss out a historical anecdote to have anything to say.

If you haven't read Hickman's run on Fantastic Four, you should. It is wonderful. As always, these panels contain artwork and characters that are copywritten and trademarked to hell and back... In this case, by Marvel Comics. So go give them your money, unless you haven't already pre-ordered a copy of Burned: A Voidy City Novel (by that J. F. Lewis person whose pants I'm wearing - the book hits the shelves January 31st 2012). That is obviously way more important. ;) So, make sure you are up to date on the Void City series and then check out Hickman's run on Fantastic Four.

Favorite Panel Friday

2012-01-13T07:00:00.002-06:00

Yup. You guessed it. I still love comics.
I have this suspicion that if I hadn't exhausted my weekly comic budget, I would have picked a panel from this week's Batwoman. It's my hands down favorite of the new Bat-titles. I keep wanting to like Batgirl, but so far that initial story-line is very meh and over in the main Bat books, Damian Wayne just annoys me. I might eventually pick them up again, but not now.

The New Incredible Hulk issue had some moments, as did Wolverine #300. This one for example: (and as before it should be noted that this image is trademarked and copy written to hell and back by Marvel Comics)

Wolverine #300

Wolverine gets on a plane to Japan, and while he's in the restroom, the flight attendant passes out the samurai swords. Nice.

The boys and I finished reading Mouse Guard: Winter 1152, and though it's old (as in not a new weekly release) there are some really wonderful visuals there, too. You should totally check that series out.

Maybe it's that I'm writing Greta right now, so the more angry visceral scenes appeal to me, but this week's Green lantern was the winner. (And yes, you guessed it this image is copy written and trademarked to hell and back by DC):

Green Lantern #5

I've loved what Geoff Johns has done with this book ever since he started fixing the GL books and this scene by Doug Mahnke shows one of the things I dig.

See, Sinestro was always supposed to be the greatest of the Green Lanterns before Hal Jordan, and I love that now that Sinestro has a Green Lantern ring again, he is still demonstrating abilities with it and knowledge of how to use it that Hal has never imagined. I also love the little bit of business a few panels later where Sinestro reveals that not only can a Green Lantern pour so much willpower through a ring that it breaks, but that he has done it twice.

Try to take over Sinestro's lantern and he'll frick'n kill you with it. Nice.

I'll also give a shout out to James Robinson's The Shade series. I love page 17. Telling you why would be way too spoilery, but it was cool. I'm not sure what the heck to think of the new Defenders title, though. This issue read very much like that Farside panel about what a human is saying, but what a dog is hearing. Blah blah blah Wundagore. A nice Iron Fist moment though. And X-men: Legacy was just "okay" this month, while the new issue of Wolverine and the X-men rocked.

Okay, I guess that's enough fan-boy-geek-out for one post.

Now we wait until Wednesday, when the fun starts all over again. :)

Website Updates! (And Free Void City Fiction)

2012-01-08T07:00:00.000-06:00

In honor of the impending release of BURNED (A Void City Novel) by that J. F. Lewis person I see in the mirror every morning, my wife has updated and overhauled the Official Website. It now has a new banner, links to find me on Facebook, Twitter, etc, but more importantly, it also has links to all my free Void City fiction currently available online.

So... if you want to read about Eric turning Greta into a vampire at the beach, how vampires go Trick or Treating, or what happens when a newly turned vampire realizes she can no longer eat chocolate, then check it out.

After that, if you've haven't gone head and ordered those extra ten copies of Staked, ReVamped, and Crossed to give away to friends, family, and co-workers to lure them into The Void... Now would be a great time. ;)

Burned Giveaway over on Dream!

2012-01-07T07:00:00.000-06:00

Dream is giving away 5 copies of Burned. :)

http://www.dreamonus.com/books/54-Burned-A-Void-City-Novel-

So...

Go.

Win!

Now!

Favorite Panel(s) Friday (The Why I <3 Matt Fraction Edition)

2012-01-06T07:00:00.000-06:00

Did I mention comics are a big deal to me?

One of the reasons I started writing in the first place (aside from the irresistible compulsion which drives most writers I know) is that at one point I was told the best way to break into comics was to become a novelist.

That aside, I love writing my Void City novels, so it's all well and good. (Though, seriously, a Devil Dinosaur mini series. If C. B. Cebulski or Axel Alonso ever read these words, I have the first few issues scripted already. It would be AWESOME and funny and only an email away.)

*cough*

Ahem.

But back to my favorite panels of the week. Now, not all of these will likely be Marvel, but I am a Marvel Zombie from way back, so it shouldn't be a surprise if many of them are. I had originally thought this week's would come from a very surreal moment in Uncanny X-force #19.1. Can you say, "That ain't what you thought was going to happen was it, Jean?" Heh. But instead, this week's panels (which I should add are trademarked and copy-written all to hell and back by Marvel Comics, so I'm not trying to infringe on anything) are from issues of The Mighty Thor written by Matt fraction.

They aren't "new" exactly. The series is on issue #9 right now, IIRC, but they were new to me and a part of my holiday gift card funded drive to catch up on all the Marvel title I wanted to read, but had fallen way behind on because I went digital only on my comic collecting and tightened up the comics buying fund to less epic levels. (Fifty some odd long boxes is too many. I couldn't store any more than that. Seriously.)

The panels I'm talking about both deal with interactions between Volstagg and Pastor Mike (the preacher of the small church in Braxton, OK, which is now basically right next door to Asgard) If you hang out with me on Facebook, or have had lunch with me in the last day or two, you already know how much I love the way Volstagg interacts with Pastor Mike.

Volstagg never surrenders his belief in his own godhood, but he also doesn't disrespect Mike's belief in God. Personally, I think Volstagg wishes he had such a devoted worshipper. Mike, however, is having trouble with the whole idea of Asgard being real and its gods walking around in Oklahoma. Here's one confrontation from issue #4:

The Mighty Thor, issue #3

Later in the six issue storyline, where Galactus is basically being Galactus and trying to devour worlds... or in this case a seed from the heart of the World Tree which also seems to be the basis of all worlds and cycles of existence, and amidst some wonderful Loki, Thor, and silver Surfer scenes involving the phrase "silver bastard" and a line from Sif which shall live in infamy... when she must choose between grabbing her blanket, to defend her modesty, or her sword, to defend her person (guess which one she chose)... we have another great panel in which Volstagg answers the question "What is that thing?" (meaning Galactus) and responds with the line that made me laugh so hard that I woke up my sleeping wife.

The Mighty Thor, Issue #5

*sigh*

I simply adore the phrase "small friend of Jesus". Matt Fraction treads so carefully and so deftly here, creating humor, and enlightening without crossing the line in condescension, that it boggles the mind. Really, though, the tale of Pastor Mike has an even cooler moment in issue six which I cannot bring myself to spoil. So, I'll just say this: Very rarely are comics today completely worth the price of admission. Fans like me read them for the bright points where the characters we love shine and sparkle in story-lines like The Dark Knight Returns or Age of Apocalypse or... the first six issues of The Mighty Thor.

In short: Well worth the read.

Favorite Panel Friday (On a Thursday)

2012-01-05T07:00:00.000-06:00

Comics are a big deal to me.

That deserved a paragraph of its own. I'm so into comics that my dream comic gig isn't X-men (though that one would be awesome) or Wolverine (who is my favorite character and has been since I read Uncanny X-men #193 and started seriously collecting comics) it's Devil Dinosaur. So... proof positive I'm a comic geek. And I've been trying to think of things to blog about more and, given that you guys probably don't want to hear about every cool thing my sons do each day, I think I'm going to start doing something I've avoided in the past and talk about comics.

One thing I'd like to do each week is feature my favorite panel from the week's new releases and since tomorrow I'm going to cheat and pick one that's from a comic I read yesterday that wasn't a new release, I thought I'd share my favorite panel from a new release today:

It's from AVENGERS: X-SANCTION #2

Not my favorite title of the week (that would likely be Fatale #1 or Uncanny X-force #19.1), but still fun. I dig Jeph Loeb's stuff and I'm a big Ed McGuinness fan, so I would have been picking this comic up even if it wasn't a preamble to the big upcoming cross-over between Avengers and the X-men.

Spoilers Follow: So... one of the things I enjoy in a good time travel storyline is when the time travelers have things wrong because they are acting on assumptions so far into the future that their knowledge of them basically guarantees that future won't exist. I just wish the time travelers themselves would realize that every once and a while.

If we read what's happened correctly, then Cable has made a huge error. He thinks the Hulk is some guy named Talbot, but we know *shhh, it's a secret to everybody* that he's actually Thunderbolt Ross. (And Talbot is a Mouser from my Void City books, so while he could be behind all of this, I highly doubt it. Note: And yes, I know he likely meant Glenn Talbot, but I'm being silly.) Cue sound effect: Bum-bum-BUM! Of course, Cable has already made a huge error in thinking that the Avengers he knows are going to decide to murder Hope, his adopted daughter and last "hope" for the mutant species as a whole, etc, for no good reason... Cause Captain America and Iron Man are always running around and murdering people. Oh wait. No they don't. Hey... um... Cable...

But, we have to give Cable a break because he is trying to do all this last minute daughter saving while the techno virus that gives him that big metal arm and stuff is finally eating him, killing his brain, and turning him into a techno-organic lump of either dead stuff or evil villain. Who can know for sure? I know this, I'm really digging the scenes from Cable's time with Hope when she was growing up.

Happy New Year From The Void

2012-01-03T08:00:00.000-06:00

The holidays have put me behind on blogging.

And...

Okay...

Writing stuff that you can't see yet has put me way behind on blogging, too. As has Skyrim, but don't get me started on that. Seriously awesome, but also a serious time sink. (Note: My cat does look good in his Dragonplate, though. He will look spooky in his Daedric Armor when I'm done with it, so I'm not sure if he'll wear it even if the armor rating *is* better, because I don't fancy the idea of him looking quite so much like the Dark Lord Sauron.)

Did I mention Burned: A Void City novel comes out on the last day of January?

Yep, it does. So that's cool. Or, I think it is.

Also cool is that the awesome folks at Bragelonne sent me this card via international mail:

You would not believe the smile that put on all of our faces here at the Lewis House. They also picked up the French language rights for CROSSED. :)

New Comic Day: 12-14-2011

2011-12-14T13:30:00.000-06:00

Those of you who know me, know that I love comics.

LOVE THEM!

I cannot remember a time when I did not read them and long before the move toward acceptance of comics (or Graphic Novels, if you prefer... I will rant about the supposed difference at another time) as literature, I was on board. I worked in a local comic and games store for something like a decade (Lion & Unicorn - I miss you). So... You could say I'm invested in the medium. For as far back as I can recall, I have wanted to write comics, too.

So it seems odd that I haven't spent much time blogging about them. To be honest, I've probably spent way more time reading comics than novels... Though I read a copious number of those as well. That, the lack of blogging about comics, ends today.

What I bough this week in the Comixology app:

Green Lantern #4

Walking Dead #92

Bone #48 & #49

Atomic Robo: Ghost of Station X #4

Avengers: The X-Sanction #1

And via the Dark Horse App:

The Goon #32

How were they? I'll let ya know, once I get a chance to read em. ;)

Un Pieu dans le Coeur de J. F. Lewis

2011-10-28T06:49:00.000-05:00

I have to admit that the publication of a French translation of STAKED really has me stoked. I haven't actually held a copy yet, but I checked out the free preview on a few sites and from what I can tell with my smattering of French, the translation seems like a good one. It's hard for me to tell how harsh Eric's language is from one language to the other, though.

More interesting, however, is seeing what the French think about the book. I mean, Eric is not the nicest guy when the series starts (though I do think he becomes, if not more pleasant, then more understandable and a little more heroic as the series progresses) and there is always the chance that the series will be misinterpreted as a love story between Eric and Tabitha and... It isn't.

That's one of the reasons I had Talbot spell things out so clearly to Tabitha in STAKED. I think Tabitha's "heroic journey" has more to do with growing up and understanding that she has let men and what they want from her define her entire existence for way too long. She has to move beyond that and value herself. Having written her is several books now, it will be cool to see if I get to play around in the Void City universe long enough for Tabitha to make that change and become as kick ass as I think she can be. I think we see a glimmer of that by the end of BURNED.

Also. I'm always worried that the reason Eric treats his lovers so badly, when they aren't in bed, is too easy to miss. Does the whole "cruel to be kind" thing come across? A reader once asked me about Eric infamous "moist, warm, tightness" statement: "It's almost like he was trying to make her dump him."

My answer: "He was" seemed to shock the reader.

The series does have a love story in it, but it's not the one people tend to think it is. There are two, really: The platonic love story between Eric and Greta and the core romantic one between Eric and Marilyn. Of course, there is also, the whole heroic journey aspect, the delving into vampire politics aspect, and the simple fact that I love to highlight the dark humor in things whenever I can. What also has me super curious, is how, if Milady continues with the series, will Greta's POV come across in French as she slowly takes over the role of secondary main POV character... I can only wait and watch in gleeful anticipation. :)

NO SPARKLY VAMPIRES - REMIX

2011-10-25T18:02:00.001-05:00

This time, as per reader feedback, Wolfy is showing his Void City pride! ;)

A (mock) Public Service Announcement

2011-10-22T00:17:00.001-05:00

Heh. Now you know what sort of mischief I get up to when I'm on my lunch hour and start doodling on my iPad. :)

Do You Know...

2011-10-21T07:21:00.001-05:00

... who the woman on the cover of BURNED is?

Hint: The last time we saw her was a very brief encounter with Eric back in STAKED.

(iIf all else fails, you can find out January 31, 2012 when you read the book.)

A Void City Halloween - Trick or Treat Guide

2011-10-19T06:00:00.001-05:00

The story is complete. The contests are over, but Feel free to trick or treat your way across the internet to read a tale of Halloween Hijinks Void City-style. Enjoy!

"A Void City Halloween"

Table of Contents

Part 1 (At Paranormal Haven)

Part 2 (At Pocket After Dark)

Part 3 (At The League of Reluctant Adults)

Part 4 (with a contest over at Bitten By Books)

Part 5 (at Amberkatze's Book Blog)

Part 6 (Is live now! Happy Halloween!)

For more fun with the Void City crew, check out:

STAKED (the ebook version is on special sale for $3.99 until November 14, 2011), ReVAMPED, CROSSED. And BURNED (coming January 31, 2012 from Pocket Books)!

The Ever-changing Cover of Staked

2011-10-11T08:25:00.001-05:00

I still find it mindbogglingly cool to see different takes on covers for the same book:

Staked looked like this (in mass market paperback):

Then like this in Italian:

Yet in France, they were going to go with this (the original cover):

But changed to this:

I geek out every single time!

My Dragon*con 2011 Schedule

2011-08-30T06:00:00.000-05:00

Title: Vampires are the New Vampires
Time: Fri 02:30 pm Location: Regency VI - VII - Hyatt (Length: 1)
Description: A roundtable discussion about the eternal appeal of vampires.

Title: Reading: J F Lewis
Time: Sat 11:30 am Location: Roswell - Hyatt (Length: 1)

I will have some cover flats for BURNED and maybe a Welcome to the Void t-shirt or two to give away at my reading. Just sayin'...

Title: The Adventure Continues...
Time: Sat 08:30 pm Location: Cairo - Hyatt (Length: 1)
Description: Authors discuss creating and maintaining dark and urban fantasy series.

Title: Shadowed Streets
Time: Sun 07:00 pm Location: Cairo - Hyatt (Length: 1)
Description: Grit and grime in urban fantasy fiction.

Title: Spotlight: Werewolves
Time: Sun 08:30 pm Location: Montreal / Vancouver - Hyatt (Length: 1)
Description: The, uh, changing form of werewolves in popular culture

BURNED (VOID CITY, BOOK 4)...

2011-06-08T06:00:00.000-05:00

...has a release schedule. Looks like it will be out February 2012. A much faster turnaround than the wait between the tpb release of ReVAMPED and the mmpb release of CROSSED. :)

My Schedule for ConCarolinas 2011

2011-05-31T06:00:00.000-05:00

(Note: I may wind up on the Writing Sex Scenes Panel, too)

Friday 07:00 pm to 08:00 pm
Event Title: Vampires: Old and New
Location: Keynes - Programming 5
From Dracula to True Blood - discuss the appeal of bloodsuckers!

Panelists: Justin D Kates, Rebecca Carter, Theresa Bane, Brinke Stevens, DJ Torch, J. F. Lewis

Saturday 10:00 am to 11:00 am
Event Title: Magic in the City
Location: University Ballroom A - Programming 3
Trends in paranormal/urban fantasy fiction.

Panelists: Carrie Ryan, J. F. Lewis, Kalayna Price, Jana Oliver, Pamela K. Kinney, Gail Z. Martin, Marcia Colette

Saturday 06:00 pm to 07:00 pm
Event Title: Vampires Suck!
Location: Keynes - Programming 5
Are vampires overdone or are there still ways to write fresh vampire fiction?

Panelists: Theresa Bane, Kalayna Price, Rebecca Carter, Faith Hunter, Gail Z. Martin, J. F. Lewis

Saturday 07:00 pm to 08:00 pm
Event Title: Howling at the Moon
Location: Keynes - Programming 5
Creating characters that are werewolves or other were-creatures.

Panelists: J. F. Lewis, Marcia Colette, Faith Hunter, Kalayna Price, Gail Z. Martin, Pamela K. Kinney

New Web Comic!

2011-05-05T16:49:00.001-05:00

Wanna see the cover for GEARLESS?

It's right: here!

Kevin Hearne's Hounded is Out!

2011-05-03T06:52:00.005-05:00

First, I must thank J.F. for letting me hang out on his blog. Like all of the Reluctant Adults, he is a bag full of Awesome to go. Plus, he and I share the same cover artist, Gene Mollica.

As part of the publicity for my urban fantasy debut, I’ve written a series of guest posts that are droppin’ all over the place. You can see a full list of the posts over at my blog. The big, ginormous one is over at John Scalzi’s Whatever blog, where I’m featured on his recurring feature, The Big Idea.

Some of my Twitter peeps wanted to hear about my path to publication, so I’m going to cover that here.

I was raised on a diet of comic books and Hamburger Helper, and in my teen years I mixed things up a bit by adding Van Halen and Mountain Dew. I was (and am) a guitar-rock nerd. My reading tastes outside of comics were largely sci-fi and fantasy.

In college I got the writing bug after reading Ken Kesey’s One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. The voice of Chief Bromden was so compelling to me and I wanted to do something like that. I spent the next ten years failing—as in, I started novel after novel, but never finished one. I read a bunch of “how-to” books but never attended a class or a convention. Maybe those how-to books messed me up a bit; I kept trying to write things the books said made a good story, but I didn’t really like those kinds of stories.

Once I decided to chuck their advice and write to please myself, I finished a novel called The Road to Cibola. It took me six years and it’s a steaming pile of pig shit, but it was an invaluable experience because it taught me exactly what it took to write a novel and I knew now that I could finish one. The Road to Cibola had a rambling mess of a plot and wasn’t really marketable—as I discovered once I tried to write a query letter for it—so I turned my efforts to writing an epic fantasy. That only took me three years. I sent it out for submission directly to a publisher and got a response in two weeks that I’d passed the first round of edits. I couldn’t believe it! While I waited to hear more, I kept busy with other projects. I’d been reading lots of urban fantasy and lots of Vertigo comics written for aging fanboys like myself, and I came up with an idea for a comic about a Druid who could talk to his dog. I was focusing primarily on the magic system and making things look cool, but as I got a few pages into it, I realized it might make a decent urban fantasy novel. I mentioned this to some nerd friends of mine and got shot down (which is the subject of The Big Idea post), and after that I wrote Hounded in eleven months as a defiant gesture. Nerds do that.

All this time I was waiting to hear more from the publisher who was sitting on my epic. Seeing that submitting without an agent was ridiculously slow, I decided to try to get an agent by querying the urban fantasy. I sent my query out to twelve agents I found on Agentquery.com. Out of that first round, I got two requests for partials, one full, and nine form rejections. The partial and full requests also ultimately rejected me, so I tweaked things some more and sent out another round to twelve more agents. Almost the same thing happened—one partial request and one full. The agent who made the full request ultimately offered me representation—Evan Goldfried at Jill Grinberg Literary Management. (To see my successful query, head over to The Biting Edge the blog of Leaguers Jeanne Stein and Mario Acevedo.)

Evan had me had me fiddle with the manuscript a wee bit and then he sent it out to nine publishers after Labor Day. Two weeks later, September 25, 2009, four of them bid on Hounded and two sequels at auction. What a difference an agent can make, eh?

I chose Del Rey and couldn’t be happier with the way my covers turned out and all the support they’ve given me. For any of you trying to get published now, I’d recommend getting an agent if possible—but go about it carefully, please, do your research and follow their submission guidelines! Most importantly, don’t give up. Keep writing and learn from your failures. I’m not a prodigy by any means; it took me twenty years of trial and a whole lot of error before I got it right.

I hope you’ll give The Iron Druid Chronicles a try—it’s full of nerdy goodness, plus action and naked death goddesses and a talking dog. You can read the first 59 pages of Hounded here for free if you’d like, and of course it’s available wherever books are sold. Thanks again to J.F. for letting me say howdy to you. Please say howdy to me on Twitter @kevinhearne or on my author page on Facebook!

Countdown to the Void

2011-05-01T06:00:00.000-05:00

With only a few chapters to go before the draft of Void City Book 4 is complete, it's...

Cover Love

2011-04-30T06:00:00.000-05:00

You k ow, I'm still not sure which cover for Staked I like the best.

Which do you guys prefer?

The original Christian McGrath cover:

The Gene Mollica version:

Or the Italian cover (I don't know who did the art, or I'd give them props):

Writerly Update: The Home Stretch

2011-04-26T07:20:00.000-05:00

It's been a while since I've managed to blog daily over here, but I'm going to try to get back to it. Not this week, but soon. Void City - Book 4 (the working title is HUNTED) is nearing completion. Using old school publishing calculations, I'm at about 90,000 words with about 10,000 more words to go... So I should be done with the initial draft this weekend and then use the next few weeks to let my beta readers give me feedback, with some time left over to do a revision pass before I submit the manuscript to my editor.

No release date yet, but I got my copy of the signed contract this week, so it's coming.

In other news, Project 'Mancer is being looked at by an editor now. Of course, I'm hideous when it comes to doing a good synopsis, so we may experience a Synopocalypse and crash and burn, but i do know that she enjoyed the sample chapters i sent. This project has been reworked in a major way and is now aimed at a younger audience (though I still think my Void City readers will dig it). I'm really hoping it goes over, because this one can actually be read to my kids. :)

My Epic Sword and Sorcery novel is back on the burner. I love it, but I think it needs to be refocused a little before it gets fired off in to the wild world of submissions. I'll start working on that on and off with completing the initial draft of Project 'Mancer in Late May/Early June.

I might even find some time to finally beat Patapon on the PSP. There are only like... two sequels to it now. Heh, I guess sometimes it's like I'm playing video games in slow motion from a percentage completed standpoint.

As always, you can find me over on my Facebook fan page and I'm @JF_Lewis on Twitter if seeing me babble about nonsense and post random lines of dialogue from my current WIP is your kind of thing.

Vote for the Void!

2011-03-28T21:55:00.002-05:00

Want to read a free short about Eric and Greta at the beach?

You do?

Well what do you know, I just happened to write one of those. All I ask is that you please vote for Void City on the front page of the Pocket After Dark website (which you'll already be at, because it's where I posted the story) and it will make me write book four even faster. :)

Blogjacked: What is that J.F. Lewis Up To?

2011-01-09T07:51:00.002-06:00

Up to what is that J.F. Lewis?

Apparently, writing haiku. Yep, haiku... well, American/English haiku- or maybe these count as senryu. They're all over his Facebook page, but I thought I'd cross-post a few here (because, really, what are blogjacking wives for? I mean, um, for what are blogjacking wives?) Unlike a "modern" haiku/senryu of less than seventeen syllables, J's follow the pattern you learned in school: 5, 7, 5.

A superhero haiku:

X-ray vision rocks
Fear my voyeuristic side
Wear lead underpants.

A vampire haiku

When vampire eyes glow
VISINE can't get the red out
Try a nice murder

Another vampire haiku

Exsanguinate me
Then I'll exsanguinate you
And we'll be vampires

A haiku sort-of inspired by CROSSED

Marry your vampire
For loyalty try werewolves
The shedding's not bad

I suppose I should officially say <insert legalese here> these haiku/senryu/poems are c. 2011 Jeremy F. Lewis, blah, blah, blah. You can cross-post them, but if you do, please give J. credit, post a great review of STAKED or REVAMPED to Amazon, become a fan of J.F. Lewis on Facebook, and tell all your friends how cool he is. ;)

PS: If you like J's haiku, there are a few more on this old post.

Ook of Us

2010-12-23T23:20:00.004-06:00

This is me burying the lead, ignoring the need for clearly defined antecedents, and failing to avoid run on sentences.

So, to make a long story short, I originally posted a version of this song on twitter and it amused a few folks... and I added the chorus to my email signature and thought that would be that, but then a buddy provided just the right amount of impetus in an email, so I sent a touched up and more to him and... thought that would be the end of it. But then, the same buddy asked if I would please post this parody song to web, so... with tongue firmly in cheek (and with apologies to Joan Osborne)... here it is:

"Ook of Us"

J. F. Lewis

(Sung to the tune of Joan Osborne's "One of us")

If Grodd had a date, who would she be?
Would she go over to his place.
if he debased himself and he cooked dinner?
What would he cook if he had just one season?

And ook, ook, Grodd's an ape
ook, ook, Grodd is rude
ook, ook, ook, ook, ook

What if Grodd was one of us?
Hairless ape like one of us?
Not a super gorilla makin' a fuss
Tryin' to conquer us all?

If Grodd had a place, how would we zone it?
And would you visit there
if going meant that you would have to play nice
With old Lex Luthor and the Joker and Bizarro
the whole darn Legion? And...

Ook, ook, Grodd's an ape
Ook, ook, Grodd is rude
Ook, ook, ook, ook, ook

What if Grodd was one of us?
Hairless ape like one of us?
Not a super gorilla makin a fuss
Tryin' to conquer us all?

No superheroes had to fall?
No powers at his beck and call?
No Flash to cause a falderal?
At parties he might be a ball?

Ook, ook, Grodd's an ape
Ook, ook, Grodd is rude
Ook, ook, ook, ook, ook

What if Grodd was one of us?
Hairless ape like one of us?
Not a super gorilla makin a fuss
Tryin' to conquer us all?

No superheroes had to fall?
Nice to both the big and small?
No powers at his beck and call?
No Flash to cause a falderal?
At parties he might be a ball?

----

End note: I know. I know. What kind of a guys takes a song about God and thinks "Hey, that could just have easily been a funny song about a megalomaniac super gorilla with mental powers"? To that, my only possible defense is: Well... have you read my books?

;)

There ya go, Lou. It's up. Happy Holidays.

"I'm Afraid of Librarians"

2010-11-16T08:12:00.003-06:00

Because exactly one person demanded it:

(Sung to the tune of David Bowie's "I'm Afraid of Americans")

J. F. Lewis's "I'm Afraid of Librarians"

John is in a library, no one at the desk

No-one helps anyone, the whole library's a test John is in a library

I'm afraid of Librarians

I'm afraid of their world

I fear the card catalogue

Electronic, too-

I'm afraid of Librarians

I'm afraid of their world

I fear the card catalogue

Electronic, too-

I'm afraid of Librarians

John is in a Library

John he wants silence, John he wants to go for a smoke

John he hates children, to him story time is a joke

John is in a library

I'm afraid of Librarians

I'm afraid of their world

I fear the card catalogue

Electronic, too-

I'm afraid of Librarians

I'm afraid of their world

I fear the card catalogue

Electronic, too-

I'm afraid of Librarians

John he's in the stacks where people hide old porno mags

John hates other patrons, when he thinks of them he gags

John is in a library

I'm afraid of Librarians

I'm afraid of their world

I fear the card catalogue

Electronic, too-

I'm afraid of Librarians

I'm afraid of their world

I fear the card catalogue

Electronic, too-

Yeah, I'm afraid of Librarians

I'm afraid of their world

I fear the card catalogue

Electronic, too-

I'm afraid of Librarians

God is a librarian

Note: While I *am* indeed afraid of librarians, this is just a silly song brought on by a fun conversation at the Imagicon NaNoWriMo Event last Sunday.

A Void City Halloween - Part 6... The Grand Finale

2010-10-31T10:18:00.002-05:00

"A Void City Halloween" is a six part short story that I've been serializing across the internet in my own funky version of a literary trick or treat. It's almost at an end. If you haven’t been following along, you’ll want to start at the beginning of the trick or treat trail:

Part 1 (at Paranormal Haven)

Part 2 (at Pocket After Dark)

Part 3 (over at The League of Reluctant Adults)

Part 4 (at Bitten by Books)

Part 5 (at Amberkatze's Book Blog)

Part 6 (below)

I have no idea how many readers will follow the whole crazy trail of mayhem, but if you've made it all the way back to Write the Fantastic, then you totally deserve to read the ending!

It's Halloween in Void City and the freaks really do come out at night...

Greta's goopified Mindy costume has been abandoned in favor of Slave Leia. Tabitha has managed to save her Wonder Woman costume against all odds. Eric's Mork costume is a goner, leaving him to battle au natural as the uber vamp. And Talbot... is still talking on his cell phone with no interest whatsoever in joining the battle at all. Fang has munched a random trick-or-treater or two, and Magbidion is on the way. So... without further ado: The Grand Finale (or Grand Guignol even).

A Void City Halloween - Part 6

©J. F. Lewis

TABITHA:

Eric leaps into the air, wings spread. He sails overhead and the view is enough to give a girl ideas. It's not as if Eric is small, but the uber vamp... is getting struck by purple lightning. The creepy mage with bad teeth and worse clothes cackles as his evil magic plays along Eric's obsidian skin, revealing the uber vamp’s inhuman bone structure.

"Dad!" Greta charges too and the sizzling smell of burning meat joins the more ashy odor of cooking uber vamp.

Creepo the Magnificent holds father and daughter at bay, the strands of twisting energy turning with violent unpredictability. Like a victim of Sith lightning, Eric is forced to the ground, and is barely managing to stay on his feet, while Greta curls up in a little ball on the asphalt. I look at Eric's undead muscle car.

"Fang?"

Fang's engine revs, but a cloud of green smoke vents out of his exhaust pipe in a thick plume. As I watch, his headlights flicker and I hear his engine sputter. I guess the pumpkins he ate disagree with him.

"Talbot?" I spy him perched on the edge of the rooftop and he waves, enjoying the show. I've never understood how he picks his fights, but it's clear Talbot hasn't chosen to participate in this one. "You're seriously not helping?"

"If a demon shows up," he calls back, "I promise to take care of it. Besides, you don't seem to need my help. The pumpkins are down and that mage only has two hands..."

"Me?"

"You're the only person here wearing a one-piece battle-swimsuit and matching boots, Wonder Woman."

"I swear… I hate it when I have to do everything myself." I hope he falls off the damn roof.

Hmmm...

I hear Eric call me a filthy name when I walk away from the fight in the street and leap up onto the roof to crouch next to Talbot.

"Hey," his brow is furrowed in that same way all men get when they don't understand a woman's actions. Even though he's a mouser, he gets that same look. I almost laugh.

"Hey, yourself." I settle in. "When Eric said that whole bippity boppity thing, do you think he was making a crack about gay mages or-?"

"No," Talbot says, still suspicious. "He was just being crude. Eric doesn't care what people do as long as…" he glances back at Eric in a way that makes me believe Talbot's intentions toward my future husband are not entirely honorable. That makes it easier for me to rise to a crouch, grab Talbot by the arm, rotate in place like I'm hurling a discus, and throw him at the bad guy.

"Only Eric gets to do that!" he yells, but he's transforming even then. While Eric's combat mode makes me want to bed him, Talbot's makes me wish for a plush chibi version. White light washes over his suit and skin, leaving sable colored fur in its wake and metallic sliver claws at the tips of his paw-like fingers. He sports a glowing silver mane and brilliantly illuminated star emerald eyes.

"I'm not getting electrocuted in these boots, Talbot!"

---

ERIC:

I was furious when Tabitha walked away from the fight, but deep down, I knew there was no way she was going to risk those boots. She loves those boots and wouldn't even consider wearing them in the bedroom until after... never mind. TMI. I think Hobo Mage's energy blasts are futzing with my brain.

Talbot soars through the air in a perfect arc. Tabitha apparently has better aim than I do, not that I've actually practiced throwing Talbot at things. I’ve only thrown him once really, but no one will let me forget it.

Her plan is simple, but a good one. Unfortunately, it's predicated on the idea that the mage can only generate two streams of agonizing purple lightning at once. Turns out, that's not the case. A new beam streams from the mage's eyes, catching Talbot in midair and slamming him backward into the wall of the dance club below Tabitha’s position on the roof.

The sound of the impact shows up as a synesthesic blast of greens and yellows that sets my whole visual reality wobbling. Vertigo rears its ugly head, only the world doesn't start spinning, it goes ass over tea kettle. Marilyn's scent, the heady combination of smoke and sex fills my nostrils. The waves of pain flip and become the feel of her touch. I lost Marilyn in an explosion at the Demon Heart, when it was still a strip club. She's the love of my life and my death. No one gets to use her memory like this!

I hate turning into my revenant form. It feels like my body is coming apart when I go all ghostly. The world becomes a cold place rendered in watercolor visuals. But maybe this mage's magic freaky purple lightning doesn’t work on ghosts. I let go of my body and the cold snap makes my teeth chatter even though they aren't physical anymore. The lack of spinning knocks me down flat, but it fades almost instantly. After all, my equilibrium isn't handled by my inner ear anymore. A line of ice spreads out from me, and frost covers the road… a sign that, though a spectral presence, I can still touch the physical realm.

"Oh-ho!" The mage is smiling. In the spirit realm, he and Talbot are the only two creatures that aren't blurred. They are both rendered with crystal clarity, but while Talbot's form is the same here as when seen with physical eyes, the mage’s is not. Seen with my spirit eyes, he wears white robes adorned with unfamiliar symbols and markings. His hair braids are even more elaborate, decorated with pins and combs of jade and gold and ivory. "My eyes see in many wavelengths, little Emperor. You cannot hide from me."

A hero would ask who he is or what he wants, but that's the thing about me. I don't care. I want him dead and gone. If he has some puppet masters pulling his strings, they'll get the message when I kill him and decide to leave me alone- or maybe they'll try again and again until eventually I've killed enough of their goons that they have to confront me themselves. I'll add their deaths to the thousands already on my tally.

I see the beam begin to change, turning blue as if he's focusing it to better affect ghost me. Screw that! I go physical, manifest my clothes. I'm not paying attention, so instead of my burned up Mork from Ork outfit, I get my default "Welcome to the Void" t-shirt, leather belt, jeans, and combat boots.

He adjusts again, slowing my progress, so I switch too, feeling my hunger grow with each transition, but not worrying about it enough to stop. I'm gonna beat this asshole, even if I go on a blood-bath rampage after. It's all in the clothes. Recreating them over and over again uses up blood, but I don’t have enough concentration remaining to focus on not having any.

"Don't you want to know which one of them sent me?"

"Which one of whom?" I ask before I catch myself.

"So you are curious." He sounds pleased with the idea of my curiosity. "Which one of the others."

"Other what?" I ask, trying to buy time before swapping into ghost-mode again. I managing to move forward. I’m almost to the building upon which he is standing.

"Emperors."

"So... you're an assassin?" I ask.

"No. I'm a test."

"What? Like a stress test? A pregnancy test? Couldn't they have me fill out a questionnaire online?"

He opens his mouth to answer and then I see Magbidion. He's a seedy-looking reed-thin small-time magician with greasy hair, but he's my seedy-looking reed-thin small-time magician with greasy hair. I don't why, but I'm not surprised at all that he's dressed as the protagonist from that really cool mage detective show that was all too briefly on the Sci Fi Channel, back when it was the Sci Fi Channel- although Mags is carrying a gun instead of a wand or a pet skull. He rises up over the rooftop behind my attacker and fire three rounds from my service revolver.

The bullets don't get him. Hobo Mage stops them in the air with a wave of his hand. I don't get him either. Neither does Talbot. The two of us are still trying to get to him when Slave Leia Greta rockets past in the night and sinks her fangs into Mage Boy's throat. As he vanishes in a puff of pink smoke, Greta bites deep into his aorta. Her throat, neck, and bosom are slick with his blood. She's even holding...

"Is that?"

"I got his nose!" She giggles like a school girl and waggles it at me between her fingers like a kid might do with her own thumb. I can't help but laugh.

He won’t be back tonight. If he comes back at all, he’ll probably have to wear a mask like that phantom in the Paris opera house. Maybe he already found out whatever his bosses wanted him to find out about me. Hard to say. We all gather together in the road, limping, bloody, and mangled, with the notable exception of Tabitha, whose costume is immaculate. Captain Stacey meets us, hands me back my check, and walks away. I guess that’s his way of apologizing for not helping out, not that I ever expected his assistance in the first place.

"Can we go home now?" I ask, looking at Greta.

"Sure, Dad."

"Yes, please," Tabitha adds with a nod.

We all pile into Fang, who takes off with a putrid green backfire. By the time we get back to the Demon Heart, though, Fang is running smoothly again. Mags promises to give him a thorough once over in the morning to make sure he has no further problems resulting from the whole Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater bit. My thralls are all waiting for me when I walk into the bowling alley. I thump Talbot in the shoulder and say, "Time in." Greta scowls.

"Time in," Talbot agrees.

Standing in front of me are six very attractive women… and every last one of them is dressed as Sexy Big Bird.

"Dad!" Greta says in mock objection. "Your supposedly impartial judge cheated."

"I did indeed." Talbot bows. "But I only did it to prove a point."

"What point?" I ask.

"That this is a short story. In the novels, you never get off this easy."

"Novels?" I ask. "Short stories? What the hell are you talking about?"

"Don't worry about it Eric." Talbot turns and waves as if there is an unseen audience watching in the distance. "Have a Happy Halloween, everybody."

"Are we on a webcam or something?" Greta asks. "Because vampires don't show up on film."

"You know how cats can see things other beings can't?" Talbot looks at her expectantly before answering his own question. "So can mousers." And with that, he walks out of the Demon Heart, whistling to himself.

"Dad?" Greta asks.

I shake my head. "No clue, but I know what Mork might say."

"What?"

"Nanu nanu."

“Dad!”

---

Thanks for reading "A Void City Halloween" and I hope you'll indulge me my shameless breaking of the fourth wall at the end. If you enjoyed the story, you'll probably enjoy the books STAKED (which is available as a Free Read over at Pocket After Dark for another week or two) and ReVAMPED, which has a promo chapter available over there as well. Fans of Greta should be especially sure to pre-order CROSSED. It's coming out in mass market paperback January 25th, 2011. The first two books are already available in that format and in ebook format as well.

If you want more free fiction, check out "For Want of Chocolate" which I've posted (all in one place) at Pocket After Dark. Any comments or questions are welcome. In particular, I'm curious to know: If you were trick or treating vampire style, what target costume would you call? Also, if you had to go trick or treating with one of the Void City gang, who might you most want to go with?

Happy Halloween!

J.F. (Jeremy) Lewis

T-shirt Contest Winner

2010-10-27T07:18:00.000-05:00

A note from your friendly neighborhood blogjacker:

With all the wonderful Halloween goodies (by which I mean J's serialized short story that's popping up on various blogs like a trick-or-treat fun fest), I forgot to announce the winner of last week's T-shirt contest!

Unseelieme is our randomly selected winner! Please send an email to janet@authoratlarge.com and let me know your shipping address and preferred size.

Start your Void City trick or treating at Paranormal Haven. The next blog on the block is Pocket After Dark. (We finished editing the third section of "A Void City Halloween" last night and J will post it *somewhere* today.)

One more T-shirt to give away before Halloween. If you were a vampire and went trick or treating with Eric and Greta, what costume would you call and why? Post your replies here and check back after Halloween to see who won! (Winner will be randomly selected. T-shirt to be selected from available sizes in stock. Blah, blah, blah.)

-Janet

Hunger by Jackie Morse Kessler

2010-10-19T23:58:00.003-05:00

Jackie Morse Kessler's YA first YA novel HUNGER is out this week.

The product description:

"Thou art the Black Rider. Go thee out unto the world."

Lisabeth Lewis has a black steed, a set of scales, and a new job: she’s been appointed Famine. How will an anorexic seventeen-year-old girl from the suburbs fare as one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse?

Traveling the world on her steed gives Lisa freedom from her troubles at home—her constant battle with hunger, and her struggle to hide it from the people who care about her. But being Famine forces her to go places where hunger is a painful part of everyday life, and to face the horrifying effects of her phenomenal power. Can Lisa find a way to harness that power—and the courage to fight her own inner demons?

A wildly original approach to the issue of eating disorders, Hunger is about the struggle to find balance in a world of extremes, and uses fantastic tropes to explore a difficult topic that touches the lives of many teens.

---

In the Void City series, we really don't explore the dangers of a human with an eating disorder. Eric makes a throw away line about "never turn a vampire with an eating disorder" and that's about it. Greta's eating disorder does make her very scary, but when it comes right down to it, her problems make her more of a danger to others than to herself. In a way, she's empowered by her human flaws.

In Hunger, despite the paranormal element, Lisa's problem seems all too real and I found the resolution to that portion of the novel to be particularly satisfying. That's not to say that you won't find action, adventure, and some genuine sweetness, but anorexia is almost like it's own character. "The thin voice" in Lisa's head and is more frightening than any of the other horsemen of the apocalypse with whom Lisa deals.

A portion of the proceeds go to the National Eating Disorders Association, so go ahead and buy your copy. Not only is it a good read, but it's for a great cause.

T-shirt Contest

2010-10-17T07:07:00.005-05:00

It's J's blogjacking wife again. I am a very brave person. I just woke up a sleeping author and had him draw a folded up sticky note out of a cup. (Don't worry, he went right back to sleep.)

So... I can now announce that the winner of last week's T-shirt contest is... drumroll... Miss Arrogant. She won randomly (and not for her awesome comments) but I also love what she said: "Void City is fantastic and full of complex and witty characters. Eric is an easy favorite for his downright refusal to be the romantic vampire we've been getting an eyeful of lately. The lore of this world is fascinating and well-written. And Greta is frickin' awesome." Miss Arrogant, please send an email to janet@authoratlarge.com and let me know what size T-shirt you would like (subject to availability) and where I should send it. You are going to *love* CROSSED- it has lots of great Greta scenes. :) It'll be out in January.

That was fun! Let's do it again! In fact, I think I'll give away a T-shirt every week for the rest of October! To enter, please comment on this post and let me know 1) your favorite character from the Void City series 2) your choice of a theme song for your favorite character and 3) why you think that song fits that character. You've got all week to decide! We'll close the contest at 11:59 PM on Saturday, October 23. The winner will be random, but J does listen to music while he writes- he might just add your suggestion to his playlist.

Don't forget to bounce over to Pocket After Dark and give five stars to J's latest blog, which includes the fantastic short story "For Want of Chocolate".

FREE CHOCOLATE!!!

2010-10-15T00:04:00.003-05:00

As I just posted over at The League:

Trick or Frick'n Treat!

Pocket After Dark has STAKED free to read online for the next 30 days, and a preview sample of ReVAMPED, and... I just posted a free short story about Vampires and Chocolate.

It's all here.

Spread the word and enjoy! :)

Blogjacked!

2010-10-14T06:28:00.003-05:00

Mwahaha! Jeremy's work schedule and writing schedule have kept him so busy for so long that I've obtained permission to blogjack Write the Fantastic for a while. J will still be "guest blogging" on his own official blog, but in between his all-too-infrequent posts, I'll be around to let you know what the author is up to. (Up to what the author is?)

Since I'm logged in as J right now, I'm anonymous. (You can probably guess, though.)

So... what has author J.F. Lewis been doing with his time? For the past two weeks, he's been going through the copy-edits of CROSSED very, very carefully. Those went into the mail yesterday. He's been working on a web comic (about which I am not allowed to say more)- although I suppose I could mention that I've seen the first few finished pages and it looks awesome! He's also going through revisions, edits, and rewrites on an epic sword and sorcery project. I think the next step for that is to send it back through the writers' group for final edits and comments. Last (but never least), J is also working on Void City Book Four.

Now, then... to celebrate my blogjacking, I'd like to give away ONE of the remaining Welcome to the VOID T-shirts (which we no longer sell). I know where he keeps them. To enter, comment on this post and let me know your favorite thing about the VOID CITY series. (Winner will be randomly selected from all those who comment by 12:00 midnight on Saturday, October 16.)

PS: To anyone who has been waiting for something that Jeremy was supposed to mail (cover flats, for example)... I'll get a list of those things and send them out as well. (In his defense, he has been *really* busy!)

Cover Time

2010-08-30T20:35:00.004-05:00

It feels strange to be talking about the cover of Crossed (now officially called Crossed, A Void City Novel) before the mass market paperback for ReVamped hits the shelves next month, but like a kid with a new favorite t-shirt, I have to show it off.

This is not the final cover. Quotes and such may change, but I think the artwork side of things is going to remain the same. Gene did a great job of capturing Greta's look. I asked if he could be sure and make Greta look like she might actually kill something (given that she's hands down the character most likely to to go on a killing spree) and since I'm not allowed to have Eric (the male protagonist) on the cover, it was cool that they let my evil flesh-eating Mustang be on the cover again. He even worked in the bowling alley and Greta's pet skull!

You can look for this one on the shelves late January 2011, but ReVamped will hit stores in late September 2010 (just in time for Halloween!) and it will have a preview of the first chapter of Crossed. Here's a hint: They let me start it with a sex scene. It's even plot important! :)

Sneak Peek At Concept Art 1

2010-08-18T08:39:00.004-05:00

I can't give you all the details yet, but the Top Secret Web Comic Project is coming along nicely. All I can say right now is that I'm writing it and it's set in the universe of a very cool up and coming roleplaying game.

I just got the first concept sketches for one of the main characters. I won't tell you the character's name yet, but she's cool and a very powerful magic user.

The artwork was done by Laura Sloan ( http://bumberparty.blogspot.com/ )and though she will not be doing the artwork in the comic, I just had to share her cool concept art. No sketches of the steam punk robot yet, but when I get them (and get permission to post them) you'll see them. :) The concept she was given was: part Egyptian Mau, part Red-tailed Hawk, and part Wolverine. I think she did a wonderful job.

So what do you think?

Muse-day Tuesday: ConCarolinas 2010

2010-06-08T20:57:00.003-05:00

Long time no blog?

What's up with that? Well, I could make excuses and talk about being under the weather (*cough* still am... don't this letter seem a little hoarse to you?), or about three cons in four weeks... or about page proofs (which are on the way back to my editor even as I type), but instead...

A ConCarolinas Report!!!

This is always a fun con for me. Rob, Dan, and Karen from the WTF always ride down with me (or more accurately are nice enough to let me ride down with them) and I get to see some authors I usually don't get to hang out with much at larger cons, because they are so weighed down by fans they can't even walk down the hallway without the police being called in to direct traffic (okay, that might be a slight exaggeration).

A short, but not complete list: Gail Z. Martin, David B. Coe, A.J. Hartley, Misty Massey, Edmund Schubert, James Maxey, Sabrina Luna... and the list goes on... and on... and on, but I have to be up REALLY frick'n early in the morning (Eldest has to have his adenoids out tomorrow), so I won't whip out my guest list and type in everyone's name.... or even spell check this post.

Gah! Look at it in all its incorrectitude!

What else goes in a con report?

I was on some panels, but do to mucho sinus and cold meds, I think I was a little goofy in most of them. I wonder who won the Deep South Con bid for next year?

Not sure if I'll have a new Werewolf VS Vampire up tomorrow, but if not, I promise a funny post about how long my protagonist has been trying to find a pair on pants in my current WIP.

We Interrupt this Blogcast

2010-05-27T21:42:00.002-05:00

Dear Blog,

I meant to give you a new Werewolf VS Vampire comic today, but the page proofs for the mass market version of ReVAMPED arrived and I have to get them back to Jen by June 6th, so I'll be doing that first.

Back soon,

Jeremy

Muse-day Tuesday: In Which We Pimp

2010-05-25T20:53:00.004-05:00

I want to read UNHOLY GHOSTS by Stacia Kane right frick'n now! Unfortunately, not only has my copy not shown up yet (Why, unnamed book retailer?!? WHY?!?!?), but I really need to stay focused on Project 'Mancer. If you already have your copy then I envy you. I was even a good boy and didn't bug Stacia for an advanced copy of it. Gah!

Want to know why I'm jonesing for the book so bad?

The fastest way to understand is to jump over to Stacia's site and read the first few chapters. Did you go? Did you? If you did, I probably lost you for however long it takes you to read the five chapter preview. Maybe you'll come back... eventually. Of course those of you that already havea copy are still out there. You're probably even giggling madly to yourselves about it and... Wait a minute. Heh.

I just realized a way to torture those of you who already have a copy of UNHOLY GHOSTS. Jackie Kessler. Yup, my weapon of choice. She's funny, charming, talented... and utterly evil. Oh sure, those of you who know Jackie may argue, but I know the truth. Only an evil being intent on reducing all internet denizens into word-starved hordes of rabid fans would post the newest book in her HELL ON EARTH series for free.

"Free?" you may ask, "but isn't that a good thing?"

Oh...You'd think so, but she's doing posting it one chapter a week. See what I mean? E-V-I-L. Check it out, too. I dare you. :)

Oh and more torture: I'll have a new Werewolf VS Vampire post up tomorrow, assuming I can get the stake just the way I want it. Or maybe I'll just hold it hostage until my copy of UNHOLY GHOSTS shows up. Time will tell. ;)

Morbid Monday 3: This Time in Western Haiku

2010-05-24T20:55:00.003-05:00

A Haiku or two
I'll provide for all right here
on Morbid Monday

I have to admit
Death by sparkling vampire
would pretty much suck

Moonlit dining plans
are surely not the choice when
with a loup garou

Drowning in the depths
with or without nude mermaids
It is still all wet

Fair weather or foul
Being devoured alive
really truly bites

Imagicon 2010

2010-05-23T20:56:00.003-05:00

The Con is over (Well, mostly, I think they're actually watching the Lost Finale over at Old Car Heaven before it *really* ends) and I've been pretty silent. It's strange that I found time to blog while at an out of town convention, but a hometown convention left me too busy to do the daily update stuff. Sorry.

If you weren't there, you missed some cool stuff.

I had tons of fun hanging out with M. B. Weston and her gal Friday (who isn't actually named Friday, but there ya go). Timothy Zahn was there, but I was too intimidated by my enjoyment of his work to actually say much to him. Lou Anders (Editorial and Art Kahuna of Pyr Books - read their stuff - they have Steampunk Vampires coming out soon) was around the con and it was great to be on a panel with him, Van Plexico, and M. B Weston on Sunday to close out the con.

BUT...

The funniest moment of the con...

It was not being turned on to @DRUNKHULK...

It was not the various antics with the Vampire balloon...

I wasn't even the bagpipe guy playing the STAR WARS THEME...

I'll give you a hint. It involves Erin Grey (Wilma Deering), Gil Gerard (Buck Rogers), and John Billingsley (Doctor Phlox). I'll set the stage. The celebrity room was on the third floor or McWane. On the left hand side of the back wall sat Erin Grey, Gil Gerard, Bonita Friedericy, and John Billingsley. Erin and Gil were at a panel and John got... bored. So what does a bored John Billingsley do? He takes some of the glossy photos of himself he had for sale and used them to replace all of the photos of Erin Grey and Gil Gerard (even on their posters) with photos of himself to see how long it will take them to notice he's done it upon their return.

Quoth Timothy Zahn "We've replaced your work with Folger's Crystals, let's see if anyone notices."

Then Mr. Billingsley starts a betting pool. IF you're curious, it took Eric Grey and Gil Gerard ten seconds and sixteen seconds respectively to realize what had happened and (thankfully) they thought the joke was just as funny as everyone else.

Perhaps you had to be there, but it was frick'n hilarious.

The blog should be back to normal on Monday. See you then! :)

Broadcast Interruption!!!

2010-05-19T20:17:00.001-05:00

We interrupt your regularly scheduled Comic Day with me and Lou Anders on TV.

Imagicon is this weekend!

Muse-day Tuesday: Car Talk

2010-05-18T20:35:00.002-05:00

I don't know from cars.

Seriously.

Yet in my new WIP, one of the characters is good with cars. She even carries an OBD II Diagnostic Code Scanner around in her purse. Heck. She even knows what the darn thing is for and what the heck the little codes it gives out mean... and further what one might need to do, based on those codes, to make the car work. It took me almost an hour of research per paragraph even though the car references are not the most important part of the scene.

But that's what it's about sometimes. Because you know what? When I read the scene, once all the car lingo had been parsed, trimmed, and edited to remove the Hey-Look-What-I-Learned-itis that always creeps into the initial draft of such scenes... it sounded right. It read like the character. She was there on the page, just like she ought to be, unhindered by my own ignorance.

Know what else?

I still might have to fix it again. I have buddies who know about cars and when they read it they may well need to point out things I still have a little bit wrong. Once it sells, maybe my agent, my editor, my copy editor, or another writer reading it for blurbing purposes might notice more little details that are wrong. I hope not. I HOPE my research was enough, that I have it down, but with each correction, my character will sound more genuine, so that when you, the reader, finally get to look at the final draft, it is as clean and perfect as I can make it... and it might impress you so much that you email me and tell me how right it was and THAT... THAT makes it all worthwhile.

What weird little people we writers really are. ;)

A Monday Less Morbid

2010-05-17T23:05:00.004-05:00

Mobicon was pretty darn cool. A big thank you goes out to Wayne, Connie, and everyone else who made it such a good con! It's always fun to see Davey Beauchamp, M.B. Weston, and The Wandering Men. Ben (official Untold Minion) even found time to give Janet and me a short walk-through of UNTOLD (the card-based RPG I mentioned last time).

Oh and I get to see M.B. and The Wandering Men again this weekend at Imagicon. How cool is that?!? And speaking of this weekend. I'm really hoping this year's Imagicon is going to rock. Half the fun is going to be at the McWane center and the other half is at Old Car Heaven. If I understand things correctly, Anime and all the Band (and related dealers) will be at Old Car Heaven and the rest of the fun (lit tracks, celebrity guests, etc) will be at McWane.

The folks at McWane will be showing Star Trek in the dome Imax all weekend. And this is going to sound a little strange, but wait until you see the maps. Anyway, I hope to see you all there! Both venues are a blast when there isn't a convention going on, so with all the awesomeness the folks at Imagicon have planned it should be even better!

Here's the tentative lit track schedule for Imagicon:

Friday, May 21

12:00p.m. "Meet M.B. Weston" Learn what is new from one of today's rising stars in Literature!

1:30p.m. "A Singular Sensation" Dr. Travis Taylor delights the crowd with the rowdy discussion kicked-off by "One Day on Mars"

3:30p.m. "Why oh Y???" Stephanie Osborn and Dr. Taylor bring us into the world of the Cresperian Saga.

5:30p.m. MOVE TO RUSHTON THEATER for: "Jabberwocky Theater: The Looking Glass Series" with Dr. Taylor and John Ringo. Come and discuss a raucously good time as the Looking Glass Series is bounced around and finding where the Jabberwocky comes into play.

7:00p.m. "3 Ringo Circus" John Ringo Come learn what the master author is up to with his latest trilogy.

Saturday, May 22

10:00a.m. "Van Plexico Presents..." Come meet another of the rising stars of the genre: Van Plexico. From Comics to Science Fiction, he has written about it, talked about it, or at least read it. If you haven't picked up one of his books yet, here is a chance to find out what you have been missing!

11:30a.m. "Lou Anders and Pyr Publishing" Come meet Lou Anders and find out what is coming from Pyr Publishing, one of the fastest rising stars of the fantasy and sci-fi world!

1:00p.m. "Baen Road Show" Baen will show the wonders and amazement coming out this year from their Publishing house.

2:30p.m. MOVE TO RUSHTON THEATER for: "Twilight Zahn" We all know about his Star Wars novels but what about those tons of other stories he has done completely away from all of that? Come and discuss the works of one of the best authors in the genre!

4:00p.m. ****Tentatively**** "The Worlds of Thomas T. Thomas"

6:00p.m. "The Legacy of Aldenata" John Ringo Wondering what is up with the Posleen? Come and find out from the creator, himself!

8:00p.m. MOVED TO RUSHTON THEATER for: "The P.A.R.D.O.N.ing of Ringo" Something "big" is going to happen to Mr. John Ringo! It's not for the faint-of-heart, nor for children. Those with strong political leanings may wish to bring a bit, or other restraints, as necessary. No food-throwing or chair-breaking allowed.

Sunday, May 23

10:00a.m. "Science behind Star Wars and Star Trek and..." Timothy Zahn and Dr. Taylor So can we really go faster than light? Is it possible to teleport matter? Discuss the realities of what we see and read in our favorite genre.

11:30a.m. "Introduction to Planetary Defense" Dr. Taylor We have read the books, seen the movies, now come and hear someone who actually knows the subject matter.

1:00p.m. "Fantasy Today" M.B. Weston, Lou Anders, Van Plexico, J.F. Lewis Wondering why all the Vampires are sparkling? Wondering what happened to the grittiness of Conan? Wonder what happened to the outrageous worlds of Zalazny? Come and talk with some people who would know!

2:30p.m. "Final Thoughts, Anyone?" A feedback session where you, the attendee, get to tell us, what went right, what needs work, and what you'd like to see in 2011!

Wow! More of This? Srsly?!?

2010-05-14T16:58:00.004-05:00

Yep, more Adventures of R. G. Strangemind... and Herbert as written by me at age seventeen. What can I say? It's a public service to air my shame (or my Douglas Adams fanboyitis... take your pick) and make you all feel better about the fiction you turned out as a kid.

But FIRST!!!

Hello from Mobicon!

As I type this, I've just finished a Doctor Who Panel (because I luvs The Doctor!) and have escaped back to the room for a few minutes. So far the con seems really nice. The Wandering Men are showing off UNTOLD, their Card Game/RPG. Ben gave me a quick demo and it seems pretty cool. I hope to have more time to check it out either this weekend or next time I see them (which will be at Imagicon next weekend).

But wait... You've read too far, because now you are trapped in another installment of THE ADVENTURES OF R.G. STRANGEMIND... and herbert.

Episode III

Emperor Splort was on the rampage. In only three minutes he proceeded to destroy the entire contents of the royal bedroom not to mention a very lovely antique table that his great grandfather had made by hand. In other words, it was not very intelligent of the youngest council member to disturb him. Furthermore it had probably been the
most idiotic move that the late counselor had ever made. The counselor realized this as his' head sailed off his shoulders and out the window. The other counselors decided that they would postpone any further talks with the Emperor until he was in a better humor or as Emperor Splat III once said, "They ran like hell."

Emperor Splort grabbed an axe from a recently demolished trunk and began swinging at the fleeing Counselors. A few of the counselors made it through the door before he could position himself in front of it, but a great many of them leapt for the only other exit...the windows. In fact, it was the sight of all his council running about his bedroom and leaping out windows that finally began to calm the Emperor down. It was then that Emperor Splort for the first time in two days began to smile. He patted the axe in his hand with a dark gleam in his eye. "I'll get you Slob! You may have gotten away with bungles before, but this time. This time we've got you!"

Meanwhile back in the large gray spaceship, at about the same time Emperor Slob began his rampage, a klaxon began to sound. A pleasant but artificial male voice was heard throughout the ship. "Slob, I really must have your help on the bridge. I can't fly the ship all the time without a human instruction. Oh yes...Emperor Splort has issued a reward for anyone who can capture you, although the reward is greater for bringing back your lifeless body. Thank you." Slob stared at the intercom in disbelief and then looked at Herbert, who was still stuck in the wall. Disbelief turned to glee as Slob formed a plan.

While all this was going on, R.G.'s body had been coming closer and closer to the ship's powers. It had almost turned once or twice, but as if it were guided by some mystic sense of destiny, it continued to head straight along the corridor, to itself ultimate demise. As it run along the corridor the scenery began to change. The beautiful white walls were now red and bore large warning labels which had R.G. been
inhabiting it he would've recognized as an odd form of english.

It was as R.G, was inspecting a strange machine, which seemed to do nothing more than sing odd folk songs about toasters, that R.G. felt a presence.

"Hello?" said R.G.

"Greetings," responded a pleasant but artificial voice. "Existing on both the astral and physical plane has allowed me to detect your presence."

"Amazing!" whispered R.G. "Who? What? are you?"

"I am the ship computer. I hope you enjoy your stay on this ship and your body is heading towards certain death in the ship's powercore. Thank you."

R.G. desperately began searching for the ship's powercore.

***

Herbert opened his' eyes and couldn't see anything, in fact he could hear anything either. He must dead! He began to yell when he realized that he was unnaturally cold, but then again, he metal used in spaceship walls is very cold. It was about this time that Slob pulled Herbert out of the wall and Herbert realized he was alive. Herbert also realize that a strange blue alien was running a corridor. Herbert
decided to follow him and about three hundred yards down that same corridor, a now existent purple was walking in herbert and Slob's direction. The purple thing with a lot of teeth's name was Ginger and Ginger was mad.

R.G. "ran" (one doesn't actually run while in astral form, but saying that some one floated determinedly down the hall is rather anti-climatic) determinedly down the hall looking for his body. He had searched the areas he thought the powercore likely to be found in, after realizing that entity calling itself the Ship's Computer would no longer talk to him. Suddenly R.G. had an idea. He calm down and began to try
to "feel" the direction of his body. To R,G,'s left he felt an almost imperceptible tingle, and off he went while his body stood still before a large metal door bearing the alien equivalent of a radiation symbol (A piece of toasted garlic bread), that was slowly beginning to open.

Back on the planet Slag, Emperor Splort was holding a war council. Splort was a tall imposing man with green skin and well defined muscles. He looked even more imposing as he stood (towered, actually) over the remaining members of the royal council. None of the councilmen knew what their late youngest member had said to enrage him, but they weren't about to ask and he wasn't going to tell them. The light in the room glistened off of his bald skull given him a strange halo as he spoke.

"I'm going to have a war gentlemen. I'm going to go out with the bounty hunters and kill our beloved friend Slob"

"But sir..."began one of the councilmen, but that was as far he got before his head was simply no longer present, taking his nervously system quite by surprise and causing him to make unsightly jerking motions as his body dropped to the floor. Splort surveyed the court room with a smoking disintegrator in his hand.

"Are there anymore objections", he asked. Oddly enough there were none. The disintegrator did have a little to do with the lack of objections, but also, the council had decided that if the Emperor wanted to go off and get killed, it would be more than fine with them.

Splort grinned and contemplated Slob's death at his hands.

***

Back on the large gray spaceship. Herbert and Slob continued, unknowingly, in Ginger's direction. Ginger was angry, hungry and desperately wanted to kill the robot that had given him a flea bath instead of a haircut.

R.G.'s mindless but strangely mobile body, was walking towards the now open metal door, when R.G.'s mental presence entered the hallway "screaming","Nooooooooo!" R.G. rushed towards his body when suddenly he struck a barrier and his body turned to him smiling. (Maybe I was being a bit hasty when I said mindless, eh?)

Slob was excited. His plan was working, the big earthling was following him, and he had yet to be killed. There had been an old legend among his people that one there would come forth The Great Stupid One who would come forth and return them to the light. Perhaps this earthling was him, or atleast would pass for him.

Herbert, who was currently following the strange blue alien (Slob), wasn't thinking of anything, but of course that wasn't unusual.

Back on the planet Slag, however, Emperor Splort was thinking of something. he was thinking of different ways he could kill Slob, many of which involved strange any many times interesting uses for a size fifty one drill.

"Oh yes," he thought,"This will indeed be fun." Soon the Imperial flag ships would be ready and he could head after Slob with all the firepower he would ever need.

Ginger was still heading down the corridor when he saw a blue alien come around the corner. Ginger grinned and spoke (Well sort of) for the first time.

As Slob looked at the large purple thing with a lot of teeth, he didn't worry...they don't exist right? Atleast that's they way he reacted until it grinned at him and began to howl. It took him almost a full half of a second to turn around and then he was running for his life.

Herbert was following the strange blue alien and staring blankly, when suddenly the alien changed direction and collided with his chest. Had Herbert been more attentive, he may have heard the howling and began running in the other direction, instead of staring at the blue alien and trying to puzzle out what was going on. Fortunately, Ginger's appearance made everything clear.

Meanwhile in the corridor outside the ship's powercore, R.G. was puzzled, which was beginning to happen far to often than the most intelligent person on Earth would've liked.

"Who are you?" he stammered to his body, wondering how it could perceive on the astral plane and if it could even hear him. It could.

"Now that I have your attention", came a loud rumbling voice, "I shall introduce myself. I am called Toastus. On many different worlds I have many different names. I am called Malted by the ice men of Creamia, Splagnat by the people of the planet Slag, but of all I prefer the name Toastus, for it is a true name of power! You, R.G. Strangemind shall be my emmisary in this cosmic mission. You shall be a crumb sent forth from my self to the..."

"Excuse me, my dear Super powerful Entity, but what are you talking about?"

Toastus was not amused.

Note: This first appeared in Birmingham Telecommunications News and remains Copyright 1991 by Jeremy F. Lewis

Only one or two more episodes to go. :)

Thursday Update 3

2010-05-13T23:59:00.002-05:00

First things first the winners for signed cover flats are...

Leah
Steve L
Matt C

So that's one winner from the blog and two from the fan page. Congrats to all the winners! Please email me with your shipping details and I'll get your cover flat in the mail. :)

And now that all the prizes have been doled out, it's time for another Thursday update!

Project 'Mancer Statistics:

Current word count: 26,793 (a little slow this week)
Estimated Percentage Complete: 35.7%
Project Completion Date: No later than 12:01 AM August 1st, 2010.
Current chances of hitting that target: Still looking good, but I need to buckle down and make sure I still get my writing time in during the next few weeks even though I'll be a several conventions: Mobicon this weekend, Imagicon next weekend, and ConCarolinas two weeks after that.

I also drew another Werewolf VS Vampire comic for next week.

Upcoming Releases (No changes here):

Staked (French translation) from Bragelonne: TBA
Staked (Italian translation) from Newton Compton: TBA

ReVamped in mass market paperback from Pocket Books: October 2010
ReVamped (French translation) from Bragelonne: TBA
ReVamped (Italian translation) from Newton Compton: TBA

Crossed in mass market paperback from Pocket Books: Early 2011

As for what's coming up for tomorrow...

More R.G. Strangemind, Herbert, Slob, and Purple Things with a lot of teeth.

Werewolf VS Vampire 2: Twilight

2010-05-12T07:21:00.007-05:00

Here's another one, sparked by a question I get at conventions a lot:

Anyone who wants a signed cover flat of ReVamped, don't forget to comment on yesterday's blog post or on facebook. Cheers! :)

Muse-day Tuesday: Bass times Fork

2010-05-11T20:32:00.003-05:00

(Note: There's a tiny contest at the end)

It's funny what you think you hear, but when my wife was talking about the definition of Work (ie. the sciency definition not the what-I-do-to-get-paid definition, it turned into Bass times Fork divided by distance. Which even if you change the terms to Mass, Force and Distance, still isn't right, but it's what I heard. Maybe I'm hungry.

I guess it's really something like Work = Force/Distance. Which is why I was afraid of Mrs. Bola when I was in school. She was very short, very round, and therefore the most forceful teacher I had at the time. (Because Force=Mass time Acceleration... which is measured in Newtons... like snacktime.) Maybe that's why people are afraid of Fang... or it could be that he eats people by running over them and shucking them like a human corncob. (Yep, definitely hungry)

Work...

Speaking of which... COVER FLATS! I know I've seen the cover to ReVamped before, but it is just so frick'n cool to come home and find cover for a new edition of one of my books in the mail. I don't think it's just me either. I suspect all authors get a little thrill. I think I'll share. Maybe you'd like a cover flat in the mail? Everyone who comments on this post between now and Thursday at 11:59 pm will be entered into a drawing for a signed cover flat of ReVamped. You can stop by my Facebook fan page and comment there too and you'll get an extra chance to win. I have several cover flats, so I'll probably give two or three away.

P.S. I'll have another Werewolf VS Vampire thingy up tomorrow. The artwork will be shabby (as usual). but I still hope you'll be amused. :)

Morbid Monday 2: Getting Gorey

2010-05-10T20:22:00.006-05:00

Rather than discuss death by Jell-o (which might be my topic for next Monday). Let's talk about some truly morbid fun...

Which means we have to talk, just for a moment, about Siobhan Magnus. (Don't worry, this is not a post about American Idol). I enjoyed her rendition of "Paint It Black", but none of her other performances ever really worked for me. What I do find interesting is her style, her presence, but most of all... the tattoo on her upper arm. I thought it was a Mary Poppins tattoo.

It's not.

Vote The Worst has a great image of the tattoo next to the artwork upon which it is based.

That's the cover to Edward Gorey's abecedarian work The Gashleycrumb Tinies. Yes, he's the "Gorey" from the title of this blog post. If I get nothing out of American Idol this year other than the an introduction to this man's absurd yet morbid literary works and art, it will have been well worth the time spent. How can you not love a book which includes lines like:

"A is for Amy who fell down the stairs.

B is for Basil assaulted by bears.

C is for Clara who wasted away.

D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh..."

I haven't read much of Gorey's work yet, but I'm going to be looking into it. And I can't help but think of Greta holding a copy of The Gashleycrumb Tinies alongside her copy of Neil Gaiman's The Dangerous Alphabet, and of course, AlphaOops: H is for Halloween by Alethea Kontis. I picture her curled up in Fang's trunk with all three volumes (physical copies, though I suppose she could have them on a iPad) cuddling her favorite pet skull (more on that when CROSSED comes out in 2011) and reading the books aloud to it while showing Telly (that's the skull) all the pictures. What fun!

Happy Mother's Day...with TRON Legacy?

2010-05-09T15:27:00.004-05:00

One of the things I remember very clearly about childhood are the movies. The Capri Theater has been closed for years, but when I think of the first time I saw Raiders of the Lost Ark or Star Wars, the Capri is what I'm remembering. From the time I was so small I had to sit on the front of the folding seat with it still in the upright position so that I could see, to the time I had to start making sure I didn't sit in front of little kids. In the summers if you had breakfast at the fast food place (I don't remember the name, only that they had Tater tots) you could show up and watch several movies for free.... which is how I discovered Godzilla, Jason and the Argonauts... and a whole, bunch of other movies, but Tron... Tron I had to pay to see.

One thing I always remembered about Tron was wishing they'd made *the game*, not Tron. They made two of those, of which Disks of Tron was the better, but I always wanted to play Space Paranoids! You know? The one that was Flynn's game? The non-existent tank game?

No?

Well now you can get a refresher course! I'm guessing the release has a little something to do with the upcoming release of Tron Legacy, but regardless of how it came to be, it's here.

How cool is that?!?

Oh, and speaking of cool... I can't wait to see Tron Legacy. You can check out the trailers here and here. Yup. I'm a nerd. :) For those of you in Mobile, I'll be there this coming weekend for Mobicon. Hope to see you there!

A Haiku and the Bestest Vampire Song Ever!

2010-05-08T07:46:00.003-05:00

Six am in the morning

is way too early

for insistent wrong numbers

Seriously whoever you are. It's too early in the morning and "I'm on my way" is never a correct response to "I missed a few calls from this number."

That aside, I just watched the coolest vampire video ever. If I could set it as my ringtone, I totally would. :)

I have a Gollum-loves-The-One-Ring level appreciation for this song. Heh.

Oh, and I had a question... would folks like it if I picked a day where folks could ask questions about publishing, writing, Void City, or other stuff and I blog the answers the next day? Just curious.

Will the Insanity Never End?!?

2010-05-06T19:50:00.004-05:00

Once again, we turn back the clock to 1991. In a year, Image comics would debut and I'd buy multiple covers of Spawn, Shadowhawk, Youngblood, Savage Dragon, and looming in the distance was a full time job at Lion & Unicorn. In a few more years, Marvel Comics would buy Heroes World distribution and go exclusive with them resulting in some really wild and crazy times for those of us trying to work out a comics order. But deep, under the surface there was bad fiction to be written and I was writing some of it.

Behold The Adventures of R. G. Strangemind and... Herbert

Episode 2

R.G. woke up, only to be knocked out again. Herbert woke up, only to be knocked out again. R.G. and Herbert both woke up, just in time to look very confused when they were both knocked out again. Although they were unaware of it, (They were busy being knocked unconscious) over them stood a strange looking blue alien with a rubber mallet. The alien's name was Slob. Slob was a rather round and cartoonish fellow, with round black eyes and a mouth that seemed to be a little larger than his head.

He, Slob, was standing over our heroes and hitting them over the head with the mallet every time they began to stir. They would open their' eyes and see only a bright blue flash before they were once again unconscious. Slob continued the pattern of blows for quite sometime before he was bored and put the mallet on a high self in the wall and left the room. Slob walked through the halls of his mighty ship wondering if Emperor Splort had noticed. He couldn't have seen what happened on Earth could he? He was sure that he had been far enough away from Earth not to affect reality and he almost had been, but that darned blue button just had to have appeared.

Slob was angry, in fact, he was angry enough to litter! Right there in the middle of corridor six, Slob whipped out a piece of paper and threw it to the ground. A large smile of malice appeared on his face and he ground the piece of paper into the nice tidy floor. He was just about to spit on the paper when an overly loud voice behind him bellowed ,"YOU HAVE LITTERED!" Slob screamed.

R.G. awoke. As he looked up, he beheld one of the purple things (that didn't exist). He only had time to yell, "HERBERT!!!" when his mind which had become so used to only logical thinking decided to go on vacation, leaving his body to fend for itself. As R.G. fell to the floor, Herbert awoke. He was, needless to say, quite startled by the sudden shriek R.G. had emitted and after convincing himself that he wasn't going to be knocked out again, he stood up. The nonexistent purple thing, who had been staring at the gibbering R.G., turned to face the rising Herbert, with hate in his eyes (that didn't exist). Herbert, quite oblivious to his seemingly-impending doom, began to stretch himself.

"Rargh?", asked the confused figment.

"R.G., did you saying something?" is what Herbert meant to say, but as he turned and saw the monster although came out was "Argh!". The monster, reassured of its monsterhood and ability to frighten people, charged Herbert. Fortunately, Herbert was prepared and as the monster

was bearing down upon him, swung his fist in a punch that knocked the purple thing right into existence, not to mention a really hard wall. Herbert advanced towards the monster and the monster (that was now quite existent) sighed. Herbert, taking this as a sign of hostility ran in

horror down the hallway.

Meanwhile in the recesses of the ship, R.G.'s mind was trying to find it's way back to his body.

Slob was still screaming when the over large robot, S.T.U.P.I.D. (Super Tough Union Personnel Incinerator Drone) 13 repeated his statement. "YOU HAVE LITTERED!". Slob came to his senses.

"Listen, Stupid...er Mister 13", then said, " I wasn't littering, Honest...er I was picking it up." Slob grabbed the paper and stuck it in his own mouth. "See, I was disposing of it...besides you didn't see me did you?"

"See you what?", grinned the Extremely bulky drone.

"Litter, of...Oops",said slob sheepishly, "I'm not in trouble am I?" In response the gleaming robot began to raise one gigantically massive fist, while Slob screamed.

As R.G.'s mind was wandering around the ship and thinking about the wonders of astral projection, his body was skipping down corridor seven, the corridor leading to the ship's power core, quite unaware of any danger. Of course, if R.G.'s mind had known, it may have been a little

more anxious to regain contact, but as it was, R.G.'s mind was content to take a leisurely stroll around the ship.

Slob was still screaming when he began to hear the sound. It was a quite peculiar sound, like some one screaming, but Slob was to preoccupied with the floor as it continued to rise towards the great fist above him to notice Herbert, who ran screaming in to the room.

Herbert saw before him a robot of unrivaled proportions and strength, but not realizing that to dodge an object one must move in such a way as to avoid that object, he ran headlong in to S.T.U.P.I.D. 13, and was taken quite by surprise when hurled against the wall by the

resounding explosion. He could see and there was nothing except a loud ringing his eyes then Slob opened his eyes. He was alive! the robot was gone, there was a human embedded in the wall! Life was wonderful! Life was grand Life was...A human embedded in the wall? Slob towards Herbert.

The purple thing with a lot of teeth (that had recently begun to exist), was confused. After all reality is quite a shock...especially for one who's just been introduced to it. He could see why people were scared of him, his hair was mess! Just look at those nails! How could anyone ever be attracted to shambling mound of hair teeth and dirty fingernails? He knew exactly what he must do. He must find the nearest Beauty Salon and have complete make over. Meanwhile on the planet Slag...

End Episode 2.

Worse that the first. I know. But here's what's coming up. Once I finish posting this old stuff, I'll post a brand new short story. And run some sort of contest. But more on that later. :)

The Thursday Update: Number 2

2010-05-06T19:36:00.004-05:00

Time for another Thursday update!

Project 'Mancer Statistics:

Current word count: 24,483
Estimated Percentage Complete: 32.6%
Project Completion Date: No later than 12:01 AM August 1st, 2010.
Current chances of hitting that target: Looking Good.

I also drew another Werewolf VS Vampire comic for next week.

Upcoming Releases (No changes here):

Staked (French translation) from Bragelonne: TBA
Staked (Italian translation) from Newton Compton: TBA

ReVamped in mass market paperback from Pocket Books: October 2010
ReVamped (French translation) from Bragelonne: TBA
ReVamped (Italian translation) from Newton Compton: TBA

Crossed in mass market paperback from Pocket Books: Early 2011

As for what's coming up for tomorrow... It's the next installment of The Adventures of R.G. Strangemind... and Herbert. Yep. Yet more horrible (perhaps amusing) fiction from my teens. I may even talk a little bit about one of the (secret) reasons I decided to post the episodes and what I'm going to do once all of them have been posted here. I know. I know. Flee in terror! ;)

The first sentence: "R.G. woke up, only to be knocked out again."

New Comics Wednesday: Werewolf VS Vampire 1

2010-05-05T00:01:00.003-05:00

I kind of thought I'd review some comics or something, but since I haven't picked up my comics yet, I thought I'd post the first Werewolf VS Vampire comic strip in its current rough state.

You may want to click on it for a better view as I'm still a bit iffy when it comes to formatting the image in the blogger window. What do you guys think?

Muse-day Tuesday: Werewolf VS Vampire

2010-05-04T21:43:00.003-05:00

I just saw that things are changing up a little over at TOR.COM. That's where my "Project 'Mancer" novella is currently awaiting judgement. I knew that PNH was overloaded, so it's nice to know he'll be getting a helping hand.

I'm been playing around with some sketches for a few six panel Werewolf VS Vampire comic strips, but I haven't had any luck finding any good programs to let me drop the images in, add captions, format them like an actual comic, and then spit them back out as a .jpg, but that's what my muse has been up to today.

Well, that, and more Project 'Mancer stuff. I really hope one of the 'Mancer items sells so I can finally speak freely about it.

Morbid Monday 1: Death by Clown Car

2010-05-02T14:50:00.006-05:00

We've all seen one either in an actual circus, a cartoon... or at the very least heard of one. Picture a small car, often made up to resemble a VW Beetle (if not an actual VW Beetle) and out of it climb clown after clown. That's right, I'm talking about that well-known and highly feared implement of death... THE CLOWN CAR.

I can think of a worse way to go, but even so, death by clown car has to rank very high on the most embarrassing ways to die list. Sure if you died being run over by a clown car it could be a rather pedestrian death (Bad pun intentional), but what if it were worse than that? What if, heaven forbid, it was a death that needed EXPLAINING?

Imagine the proverbial line in front of the pearly gates where one finds himself or herself shunted off into the Questionable Death Queue where instead of St. Peter, he or she has to face some unnamed holdover from the old testament who looks at them with a funny look and asks, "What exactly were you doing underneath all those clowns in the backseat?"

I don't see how a person could recover from that. Even the serial killers would laugh. Okay, well everyone would laugh. Perhaps I should say especially the serial killers would laugh except for the one in the back kicking himself for not having thought of that execution method himself.

Either way, I don't think the Questionable Death Queue man would go for it.

"We don't take your kind here," the man with the bushy white eyebrows might say and whoosh off to hell with the other deviants clown fetishists. It really doesn't bear thinking about. Come to think of it, it isn't really all that much better if one tripped on the way out of the clown car having survived the clown on clown sardine action only trip and impale oneself on a monkey. The little man from the Questionable Deaths Queue is even more likely to raise an eyebrow and deliver a GO TO HELL verdict before the poor soul in question can manage a "But wait! When I say impaled myself on a monkey I didn't mean it like THAT..."

Call me crazy, but Death by Clown Car? I'd avoid it. Wouldn't you?

P.S. I know this blog is going up a little late, but as the song goes:

Some blog in the morning
Some blog late at night
Other choose the afternoon...
It's afternoon delight.

(Or something like that, You know. Maybe there isn't even a song at all. Oh well.)

;)

Sunday is better with Gorillaz

2010-05-02T09:31:00.001-05:00

Am I the only person who loves The Gorillaz?

New Post Over At The League

2010-05-01T21:07:00.002-05:00

It involves me being silly and mixing the PC versus Mac commercials with Vampires and Werewolves. You can find it here

Let The Insanity Begin!!! Installment 1

2010-04-30T07:00:00.001-05:00

A little history before we start.

Some of this is still fairly humorous, but some of it is BAD. Not Eric's potty-mouth bad or going on a date with Greta bad or even spilling wine on Talbot's new bespoke suit bad... more like listening to Tiny Tim sing while playing the ukulele bad. I also wrote it when I was in my teens. It was a time when there were these really cool things called Bulletin Board Systems and Birmingham was home to the American Online BBS (before Rocky sold the name to the current America Online) and the Crunchy Frog BBS where folks could connect via 1200 or even 2400 baud modem. I would soon be working at a local comic and games store, Lion & Unicorn, while helping Sean and Genesis Books with his new comics shipment.

I was listening to a lot of Iron Maiden and Information Society. I was big into Star Wars, Star Trek, and Doctor Who... which is all still true... Oh, and the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy had just come into my life.

I fell in love with the work of Douglas Adams and I think it kind of shows in what you'll be reading here. So sit back and laugh (either at the humor or the general horribleness) that is...

The Adventures of R.G. Strangemind... and Herbert

Installment 1

It was almost sunrise when the old yellow car pulled into the driveway. The car was so old that no one could remember (or discern) what kind it had been originally nd Herbert, it's driver, wasn't telling. All that mattered was that it drove well enough and that Herbert liked it and as the planet's strongest man what Herbert liked was fairly important. The house at which he had arrived belonged to his best friend R.G. Strangemind, who ironically happened to be the most intelligent man on the Earth.

Herbert had always been in awe of his friend, though distinctly more in awe when at the age of nine and having seen Star Wars for the first time R.G. had been the only person on his block to build a working blaster, in fact he had been the only person to ever build a working blaster and this in and of it self set him high in Herbert's estimation

Stepping out of the car and attempting to ignore the tremedous creak, Herbert walked up the driveway to R.G.'s door. Like many other things (among them soup that you can cook in the microwave and in fact microwaves and gadgets that in general do neat and interesting things), R.G.'s house posed a mental image that Hervert was never quite able to grasp. He could never get past the door. He understood that the door was made of a new metal alloy that R.G. had invented and he even further understood that it was the entry way to his friend residence. What he did not understand was where R.G.'s house actually was and how his friend hid all of that neat stuff behind a door standing alone in an otherwise vacant lot. Shrugging his shoulders, Herbert knocked on the door then opened it.

"Are you ready for work?" he bellowed in his uniquely loud voice. R.G. was a tall, wild eyed, lanky individual whose hair often reminded people of a cat being electrocuted. He wore a white lab coat and he carried a piece of toast in his right hand. He was the complete opposite of Herbert, who was the perfect image of masculine strength.

"You are late!" screeched R.G. in his mouse-like voice, "What is your reason?"

Herbert spoke sheepishly and with much shuffling of his feet, "I couldn't find my keys."

At this R.G. became angry. "And where were your' keys," he in an impatient but amused tone.

"In the ignition," replied Herbert.

R.G. was so angry at this moment that the toaster decided to explode, quite surprising the table upon which it had been sitting. Herbert leapt back with the speed and agility of a tiger, avoiding a flying piece of toast and tripping over the coffee table. R.G., however, was hit by the deadly piece of breakfast paraphernalia and was knocked to the floor.

"What happened," asked Herbert.

"The toaster exploded, you idiot," replied R.G. "What else would send toast flying all over the room?" With that episode at an end and with the extinguishing of a small table in the kitchen, the unlikely pair set of for work.

R.G. worked at a nuclear power plant and Herbert was his assistant. R.G. was very careful, however, only to let Herbert perform the most insignificant tasks (flipping the light switch on, emptying the waste basket, etc.). Today, Herbert task was to push the blue button that started the generators testing sequence. Unfortunately, there were two blue buttons on the console and Herbert, afraid to ask which button,
pushed them both. Herbert, who didn't notice his mistake, reacted by smiling and thought that the flashing red light and the blaring sirens, were new additions to the testing sequence. R.G., who noticed Herbert's error reacted by screeming and making terrible remarks about Herbert's parentage. The Nuclear Reactor and accompanying research complex also noticed Herbert's error and reacted by blowing itself and everything in a very wide area quite to pieces.

At this moment several not so important thing happened: a large gray space ship kidnapped a great number of purple things with a lot of teeth, that didn't exist, On the planet Earth a small nuclear reactor exploded blowing up everything around it for miles(Fortunately is was soon reconstructed along with its inhabitants and the surrounding area, by a little blue alien in a large gray space ship), A large number of nonexistent purple thing with multiple teeth escaped onto a small blue green planet called Earth, and a little boy by the name of Renaldo, ran happily out into the street just in time to be runover by a Mack truck. The truck, however, upon remembering that it had been blown up earlier that morning, quietly exploded.

R.G. awoke and hit Herbert. R.G. hit Herbert again. Herbert did nothing. R.G. picked up a hammer from his tool chest and was about to use it on Herbert's head when he realized something. He realized that they were alive and that they shouldn't be. R.G. dropped the hammer, which unfortunately landed on Herbert's head. R.G., not noticing where the hammer had landed, began pacing the room. Herbert woke up and
picked up the hammer.

"You shouldn't leave your tools lying around, R.G."

"Yeah, Geek," exclaimed the hammer.

"It's alive, R.G." yelled Herbert,"It's alive!"

R.G. left the room quite oblivious to Herbert's rantings. Herbert dropped the talking hammer and followed R.G. out of the room, ignoring the ravings of the hammer, who was upset about having been dropped.

As Herbert walked outside he noticed R.G. standing in the road. Suddenly they were surrounded by Purple thing with a lot of teeth (that didn't exist). Herbert didn't whether they existed or not, they looked dangerous enough to him. Just the creatures were about to reach them, there was a flash of blinding blue light and a large gray spaceship was now overhead. The nonexistant purple thing (with as lot of teeth) leapt at R.g. and Herbert. Herbert yelled as one of the creatures swung at him, missing his head by only a hairsbreath. R.G., being a far less courageous creature retreated violently to the ground, unconscious. Herbert, seeing his fallen friend, charged one of the ceatures in a last ditch effort for victory. It is was at that time, that there was a blinding flash and everything went black.

End Part 1

See? Now don't you feel tons better about your own writing? :) Tune in next week for more of what I was doing in the 90's and additional examples of me horribly aping Douglas Adams.... by which I mean Installment 2 of The Adventures of R.G. Strangemind and... Herbert.

Note: This first appeared in Birmingham Telecommunications News - Volume 4, Issue 3 and remains Copyright 1991 by Jeremy Lewis

The Thursday Update

2010-04-29T21:24:00.002-05:00

Looking for updates on my writing and other miscellaneous wackiness? One place you can find them is right here on Thursdays. Even if all I post about is the status of the current work in progress or what I'm going to have coming up on Friday.

Project 'Mancer Statistics:

Current word count: 21,894
Estimated Percentage Complete: 29.2%
Project Completion Date: No later than 12:01 AM August 1st, 2010.
Current chances of hitting that target: Looking Good.

I'm even working on my John Paul Courtney short story and my Talbot short story a little.

Upcoming Releases:

Staked (French translation) from Bragelonne: TBA
Staked (Italian translation) from Newton Compton: TBA

ReVamped in mass market paperback from Pocket Books: October 2010
ReVamped (French translation) from Bragelonne: TBA
ReVamped (Italian translation) from Newton Compton: TBA

Crossed in mass market paperback from Pocket Books: Early 2011

But now (BUM BUM BUM) for an update on what's coming up tomorrow...

I was recently reminded of a sci-fi comedy serial I wrote for a local BBS magazine back in the late 80's/early 90's. And because I think there are a few laughs to be had by doing so and because it serves as an object lesson in how a writer's craft develops over time AND because I think there is always value in being able to laugh at once's self, for the next few Friday's, I'll be posting episodes of the teenaged J. F. Lewis's attempt to write like Douglas Adams.

Here's the first sentence:

"It was almost sunrise when the old yellow car pulled into the driveway."

To read that again as well as the rest of the first installment, you'll just have to check back tomorrow.... or you might prefer to run screaming from the internet. Your choice. ;)

The Reign of Darkness Will Continue As Scheduled

2010-04-28T22:23:00.002-05:00

I'm ba-ack!

There are new things coming up on the blog and I'm not going to tell you what they are exactly. But beginning next week prepare for updates at least three times a week beginning with my new Monday feature... Morbid Mondays. Each Monday, I'll blog about something morbid in a hopefully humorous way. Next Monday's post will be about one of the many ways I don't want to die.

Oh... and did I mention that one day next week I'll even be posting some free fiction?

See you then. :)

Threepio?!? Where could he be?

2010-01-18T14:00:00.001-06:00

"Where could he be?!"

Though the conditions in which some of my readers might be asking the above regarding yours truly are likely far less dire than those experienced by Luke Skywalker when he shouted those words from within the grinding bowels of one of the Deathstar's many garbage smashers, it's still a fair question. Part of the answer revolves around any number of real world day to day normal life issues which I fear would bore the heck out of any blog readers, but the more interesting (to most of you) answer is: I've been writing. Some of it has been Eric/Void City related writing and some of it not. But for those of you who want an update, we'll start with status of Void City:

VOID CITY, BOOK 3 (Currently entitled CROSSED) has been turned in to my agent, passed along to and purchased by Jen Heddle over at Pocket Books, and I am currently awaiting my revision letter letting me know what Jen would like done to it before you guys see it. Trust me, you want Jen to look at it first. Without Jen's feedback, the Eric/Talbot/J'iliol'lth aerial fight over Void City from ReVAMPED would never have been written nor would readers have ever gotten a chance to meet Esteban (Lady Gabriella's lover)... just as without Shawna, my agent, the Werewolves On Ice hockey fight from STAKED would never have made it to the page either.

The first draft of VOID CITY, BOOK 4 is currently around 14% completed and I'm writing it pretty much simultaneously with another project that I'm really afraid to say much about... not because it's some big media tie-in (it isn't), but because I'm so attached to it that I'm a wee bit paranoid. So, for now, I'll refer to it as PROJECT 'MANCER and assuming it sells, you'll get to find out for which word that lonely little apostrophe is standing in.

PROJECT 'MANCER is actually more than one project or at least more than one story. So far, it consists of a roughly 9,000 word novelette (which I've just sent off to the first prospective market), several short stories in various stages of completion, and a proposal for several novels, the first of which is roughly 25% complete, has a synopsis, and will be heading out to my agent tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed on this one, please. I really want it to happen and have spent the last few years tweaking the way this particular form of 'mancy works and thinking up the character arcs as well as plots for at least four novels... and a fair amount of speculation about how to approach a fifth novel and further if I were allowed to write them and people wanted to read them.

Backburner Projects (which doesn't mean I love them less, it's just that there are only so many hours in a day and I spend a lot of those at the day job anyway):

GRUDGEBEARER, my epic fantasy project remains unsold and at this point I'm considering another revision to pull one of my favorite characters forward into the first third of the novel with the rest of the "cool kids". After all, I already know what she was doing then and it might be interesting to show that too.

URBAN FANTASY PROJECT 3: THE ONE WITH DEMONS IN, could actually be submitted to my agent as a partial and a synopsis, but I think it's still cooking. The cast has changed a great deal and though the plot remains the same, it's very important to me that I have the powers of the main character just right and that all the metaphysical stuff is ironed out before I bombard Shawna with it or commit to finishing it.

YOUNG ADULT PROPOSAL #1 is basically dead, having been ruled "Too icky" by my agent.

YOUNG ADULT PROPOSAL #2 is still underway albeit slowly.

YOUNG ADULT PROPOSAL #3 is basically in the same boat and #2.

MY HOMICIDAL CYBORG LOVE STORY is actually about 13,000 words already and has something of a synopsis, but I'm still doing some world building and fleshing things out.

And last (not really last, but the last I'll mention in this post), but certainly not least… no one from MARVEL COMICS has offered to let me write my reinvention of DEVIL DINOSAUR & MOON BOY, but I've actually written scripts for the first two issues (in case they ever ask or I'm trapped with Joe Quesada on a desert island) and they totally kick ass. :) Seriously.

(Note: I seem to be a little better about updating my FaceBook fan page than I am when it comes to blogging, so if you want more regular updates, you might want to join the fan site. I seem to be a little faster when it comes to responding to messages there, too. You can even friend me if you want. I'm the tall blond guy standing next to Darth Goofy and looking a bit silly.)

Bitten By Swag!

2009-11-23T13:57:00.002-06:00

The nice folks over at Bitten By Books are giving away free swag to folks who show up and comment/ ask questions/chat etc. Show up for free stuff!

I'm logging in and out answering questions, too.

:)

Chocolatey Badness!

2009-09-29T20:20:00.003-05:00

My post about coming up with "For Want of Chocolate" is up over at Edmund Schubert's blog. You can read it here. It begins: "Something is terribly wrong with Edmund."

Vampires + Chocolate = Mayhem

2009-09-18T13:31:00.004-05:00

My first ever short story in the Void City universe is up in this month's IGMS. It's about a newly turned vampire named Haley realizing she can no longer eat chocolate. A Godiva store is involved. If you like the books, you'll probably get a kick out of the story. If you haven't tried the books yet, at $2.50 an issue, IGMS is a cheaper way to give my writing a try.

It even has a cool illustration by Kevin Wasden.

This is the one that actually got me (jokingly) threatened by another author. For more about the threat and the making of "For Want of Chocolate" check out Edmund Schubert's blog Side-Show Freaks where he'll be posting an essay from me about that pretty soon.

New League Post... about sex

2009-09-15T21:36:00.001-05:00

I have a new post up over at The League of Reluctant Adults. It's about Eric and Greta having... The Talk.

Dragon*Con 2009 Schedule

2009-09-01T12:00:00.001-05:00

Here's my schedule from Dragon*Con this year. Looks like they've got me somewhere every day of the convention! (Which is totally frick'n cool if you ask me.) Look at all the Leaguers I'm on panels with! :)

Vampires Are The New Vampires

Vampires are always in style, no matter what
decade it is. R. Laurey, A. Kontis, J. F. Lewis, R.
Mead, A. Gilbreath, D. Tatum (M); Fri 2:30 pm;
Montreal/Vancouver [H]

City of Dreadful Night

World-building in dark fantasy. C. Douglas, J. F.
Lewis, C. Kittredge, S. Kane, K. Richardson, C.
Malcolm (M); Fri 8:30 pm; Montreal/Vancouver [H]

What Price Immortality?

Examines the trials and travails of immortality.
R. Laurey, S. Sizemore, J. F. Lewis, M. Henry, R.
Mead, A. Gilbreath, F. Zedde, C. Malcolm (M); Sat
11:30 am; Hanover C-E [H]

Vampires vs. Zombies

Authors judge the pros and cons of the living dead.
E. Donald, P. Nutman, C. Priest, J. Stein, J. F. Lewis,
M. Henry, A. Gilbreath, M. Mancusi, M. Miller (M);
Sat 5:30 pm; Montreal/Vancouver [H]

Undead in Dixie

The allure of vampires in southern literature. E.
Donald, R. Hart, J. F. Lewis, C. Harris, C. Malcolm
(M); Sat 8:30 pm; Montreal/Vancouver [H]

The Sacred and The Profane

A look at religion and spirituality in dark fantasy
fiction. E. Donald, C. Golden, S. Nicholson, C.
Priest, S. Allie, J. Everson, J. F. Lewis, J. Kessler, M.
Miller (M); Sun 11:30 am; Montreal/Vancouver [H]

Working the Graveyard Shift

A look at the various jobs available to supernatural
investigators and creatures of the night. J. Stein,
C. Douglas, J. F. Lewis, C. Kittredge, S. Kane, K.
Richardson, J. Kessler, M. Miller (M); Sun 8:30
pm; Montreal/Vancouver [H]

Dragon*Reading: J F Lewis

*Mon 11:30 am; Roswell [H]

* (I know it's all the way on Monday and everything, but I promise to read from the manuscript for book three if folks show up)

New League Post

2009-08-27T12:00:00.000-05:00

Eric and Talbot make me look silly while I try to answer questions.

You can find it: here

2009 T-shirt Pre-orders

2009-08-06T08:53:00.002-05:00

For folks who are interested in sporting a "Welcome to the Void" like Eric wears in the books, we're doing a limited run of 2009 t-shirts. The details are over at my website.

:)

San Diego Comic Con Schedule

2009-07-23T19:17:00.002-05:00

Wow! San Diego Comic Con is utterly mindblowing!

This year, I'm actually on programming, too. :)

Here's my schedule:

Saturday July 25th
BRAM SOTKER PANEL, Room 5AB
1:30-2:30 pm

Sunday July 26th
Signing at the Mysterious Galaxy #1119
12:00-12:50 pm

Stop by if you get the chance, I'd love to get a chance to say, "Hi!"

Test Podcast

2009-05-06T11:19:00.004-05:00

Remember that whole podcast idea I mentioned a few months back?

It's almost ready to roll out. I have the first episode up: here as kind of a sneak peek for folks to listen to and give feedback on before I go all iTunes with it. The volume is a little low, but I'm hoping to fix that with future episodes.

In the meantime, whether you've read the books and want to listen to them or you're discovering the series for the first time, I hope you enjoy. The first episode is a little short. Around 18 minutes, but future epsiodes will run two or three chapters and I'll try to roll out a new episode once a week.

Happy listening!

Blogging at the League

2009-04-19T13:09:00.001-05:00

I have a new post at the League of Reluctant Adults about cutting people in half... or something like that. ;)

Here's a link.

This one is just odd.

2009-04-16T12:00:00.000-05:00

I stumbled via Google Alert upon a website that annouced the release of ReVamped in a very.. um "interesting" way. They've used some kind of program to reword the release info.

Here a sample:

This: "And Eric will need all the help he can get, because it looks like someone is after his soul, too. Blood will flow, fangs will be bared, and the claws will come out, because revenge is never pretty...and Eric has plenty to pass around."

Became:

"Eric will take all the assist he can get, because it looks like soul is out for his psyche, excessively. Blood will flux, Fang will be bared, and the claws will come out, because retaliation is ne'er middling... and Eric holds plenteousness to pass about."

I haven't been this amused since part way through The Heroic Legend of Arslan anime, they changed the names (and in at least one case, the voice actor) of many of the characters.

As the DVD explains:

"Once Giev. Now... Guibu"

Heh.

So... if I had to cast someone....

2009-04-13T13:44:00.008-05:00

Lately I've gotten a few emails asking who I'd cast if there was a Void City movie. Putting aside the whole idea that I likely wouldn't have any input at all and going with the conceit that in the reality of the question being asked, I actually have some say-so...

If it were me, I'd be tempted to cast two actors.

Scenes which were from Eric's POV would have Denis Leary

Scenes from Tabitha's POV would use Josh Holloway:

I don't get many questions about who would play Tabitha or Rachel, but every who has asked about Eric has also asked about Ebon Winter. If I could get ahold of a time machine, I'd say a Labrynth-era David Bowie, but seeing as how I don't have access to one... maybe... Adam Lambert from this season of American Idol?

What do you think? Who would you cast?

Happy Easter... Void City-style!

2009-04-12T08:15:00.002-05:00

Look upon my works ye mighty and...

2009-04-10T07:37:00.003-05:00

... ask, "Hey! Is that a new website?"

It is! It is!

http://authoratlarge.com/

Same Bat place on the interwebs and available any Bat time, but now with cascading style sheets. :)

Apparently I'm Luminous

2009-04-08T12:00:00.001-05:00

You may or may not know that ReVamped is one of the featured titles for April's discussion over at the B&N Paranormal Forums. You can find them: here. And I'd meant to mention it earlier, but in a way, I'm glad I waited. Paul Goat Allen serves as the moderator for a couple of forums over at B&N. He's also a writer and reviewer in his own right.

Paul had a lot of nice things to say about Staked and ReVamped (which can be read here), but the blurbs he provided for the series left me grinning like one of the Joker's victims.

Blurb #1 (About the series):

"J.F. Lewis' Void City saga is like literary methamphetamine. The best thing to hit paranormal fantasy in years."

Blurb #2 (About me):

"In a genre full of up-and-coming luminaries, J.F. Lewis may be the brightest of them all."

Yeah. I'm gonna need treatment for sprained facial muscles if Batman doesn't show up with some anti-venom treatment soon. I just know it.

Gene Mollica's Staked cover

2009-04-07T12:00:00.007-05:00

Now that Amazon has it posted on the pre-order page for the mass market version of Staked, I guess it's okay to post here. The folks over at Pocket were so pleased with the look of ReVamped's cover that they powers that be went ahead and tapped Gene Mollica to do a new cover for Staked... one was more in keeping with the look of the ReVamped cover. Here it is by itself:

And here it is side by side with the original Chris McGrath cover:

I like that Gene worked El Alma Perdida into the cover and that the scene is taking place outside. I also dig the way Chris McGrath gave his original cover such a cool classic noir feel.

So? What do you guys think?

Imagicon is Tomorrow

2009-03-26T21:18:00.008-05:00

Bill Drinkard (author of Elom) and I were on "Talk of Alabama" on Tuesday to help get the word out about Imagicon.

Here's the video:

Headed to Midsouth Con

2009-03-20T09:10:00.002-05:00

I'll be at Midsouth Con in roughly four hours!

Here's my panel schedule:

Friday

6 pm - Strong Women Characters
9 pm - Managing Criticism

Saturday

10 am - Reading
11 am - 1990 to Today - the New Vampires
1 pm - Professionals Row (It's be my turn to sell and sign stuff at the Guest Table in the dealer's room
6 pm - Between Lovecraft and King - Horror in the 40s, 50s and 60s
8 pm - The New Dr Who panel

Sunday

11 am - I Am The Audience

So... if you are in or around Memphis, swing by and say hello.

New League Post

2009-03-12T12:00:00.000-05:00

I have a new post over at the League of Reluctant Adults about fan empowerment and how cool it is that Realms of Fantasy magazine will be coming back.

You can read it: here.

Strong Enough For A Man, But...

2009-03-11T08:00:00.001-05:00

I've mentioned how much I (and my boys) love AlphaOops!: The Day Z Went First by Alethea Kontis, so it was pretty darn cool to have her interview me. We chat about everything from why I tend to have a WebKinz White Mouse (his name is Stanton) with me at conventions to the whole church thing... and why I might not necessarily mind being painted metallic silver under the right conditions.

You can find the interview: here.

There's also a nice article up on Best Fantasy Stories about "Fantasy Books for Men". Two authors I really enjoy are mentioned: Jim Butcher and Simon R. Green. The article also mentions some J. F. Lewis guy and his Void City series.

You can find that article: here.

Welcome Back to the Void!

2009-03-10T08:00:00.002-05:00

It's that time again.

Release day. I can't describe how it feels to be here again on the release of a second book. Part of me feels like it isn't happening. Part of me fears it will be the last time. And a much larger section of the J-brain wonders whether people will like it or not. In a way, the shipdate for a new novel is like sending your kid off for the first day at school. As an author, I've done all that I can for little ReVamped. There are always little sections I feel like I might have gotten just right if I'd had a few more revisions, tiny tweaks which have gone unmade because if I don't stop tweaking then the book will never be done and out for people to read.

True, I can do my best to make sure people know how fun little ReVamped is and shout about it in interviews, podcasts, or blogs. I can go to conventions and show off ReVamped and its older sibling, Staked. But in many ways the magic has been worked and now ReVamped's future is in the hands of the buyers, sellers, reviewers, and fans.

The funniest thing of all, is that ReVamped has actually been on the shelves for several days at this point. Some of the people that pre-ordered copies of ReVamped got the book as early as February 27th. It began showing up on the shelves of bookstores around Birmingham last week. But the "official release day" still feels special and today is the first day the novel is available for folks who use the Kindle (Hi, Jerry) or other eBook readers.

With the book release comes the temptation to ego surf for reactions to ReVamped, but I'll try to hold off and let my Google Alerts bring those to me. After all, I'm still working on book three and I need to get it all nice and shiny if I'm to expect anyone to purchase it... so that I can start the rollercoaster all over again.

Here's hoping you enjoy your second trip to Void City and many more to come. Feel free to drop by (via comment or email) and let me know how you're enjoying the book. If you're reading Staked for the first time I'd be glad to hear from you as well.

Best,

Jeremy

Forums and a ReVamped Preview

2009-03-08T13:24:00.003-05:00

I may have mentioned it already, but with the relaunch of the new League Site, we actually have forums. :) You can check them out: here. I've even posted a preview of ReVamped over in my little corner of the Bat Pack. Here's a link.

Enjoy!

Feel free to hang out, chat, ask questions (obnoxious or otherwise)... and generally have fun.

Kinds Words and Interesting Topics

2009-02-26T08:00:00.001-06:00

Colin Harvey was nice enough to review Staked over at Suite101.com and he's given me permission to quote a portion of the review:

"This debut novel is chock full of vampires, werewolves and witches in an imaginary city but the style and characterization set it apart from lesser competitors."

- Colin Harvey, Suite101.com

If you'd like to read the whole review, you'll have to jump on over here. He has some very kind things to say and he also calls 'em like he sees 'em. Colin takes me to task for an infodump at one point in the novel and he mentions some disatisfaction with Staked's ending, but all in all, I'd call it a good review and he obviously enjoyed the book.

A few days later, he made a very interesting post about "Cliffhangers vs Open Ended Books" which hits so close to the mark its scary on what I intended when I wrote Staked.
{Spoiler Alert: Some (okay almost every single person who has read the book) have interpretted the ending as a cliffhanger. I didn't intend it to be one, but I certainly understand that point of view.}

When I sold Staked, it was a one book deal. I wanted there to be more books about Eric, Tabitha, and Void City (and fortunately that dream comes true in March with the release of ReVamped... though Amazon is already shipping it) but I also wanted it to be able to stand alone if that dream never materialized... which brings me to a question: If you've already read Staked, how did you interpret the ending? Cliffhanger or Not.

I'd be interested to know. :)

Note: If you enjoy Colin's articles, you'll want to check out some of his fiction. I've linked to his website here.

Podcasting with Gail Z. Martin

2009-02-15T19:12:00.004-06:00

Gail Z. Martin is the author of the Chronicles of the Necromancer series. She also does a podcast called Ghost in the Machine where she talks to other authors about all sorts of things. You can find the episode we did together (we talked about vampires - gee, I wonder why? ::GRIN::) here. And you can find the main podcast page: here.

Guess Who's Coming to Birmingham?

2009-02-13T07:00:00.000-06:00

So last year we had a con in Birmingham, AL. It was a first year con with around three thousand attendees (which is pretty much unheard of for a first year con). This year, Birmingham has a new con (ImagiCon) and it's been put together by a bunch of great folks who want to make sure Birmingham has its own convention... which... since I *live* in Birmingham, I am all about, too. :)

They almost skipped a year and launched the con in 2010, but even with the short turnaround, they have some cool people coming:

On the Lit Track: Sherrilyn Kenyon will be back (WOOT!), as will Christina Barber, Alan Gilbreath, M.B. Weston, The Wandering Men (I still need to blog about those guys) and yours truly. Debut authors Jeannie Holmes and Stephanie Osborn will also be there along with short story writer (and aspiring novelist) Shelly Li.

There are other guests on the list and you can find them here or you can just go to http://imagicon.org and check out all the guests and events these guys have planned.

So if you're in Birmingham March 27-29, 2009. Come on by and see us. There will be copies of ReVamped in the dealer's rooom and I might be convinced to read a short story or... even an excerpt from the current draft of book 3.

Who knows?

The Jesus Geeks Podcast talks about Staked

2009-02-09T22:22:00.003-06:00

Chris and Cliff over at the Jesus Geeks podcast talk about the controversy that sprang up around Staked, the first novel in my Void City series. I was tempted to provide a link here with the statement:

Jesus Geeks Approve Staked:

"This book is pure entertainment... It was a very good first novel."

Chris Martins, The Jesus Geeks Podcast

That's a bit disingenuous though. Chris did say he enjoyed the book and in fact he did make both of the above statements about Staked, but both Chris (of the Jesus Geeks) and John (of jesusgeek.info) had issues with the book, particularly the sexual content.

If you'd like to hear what they had to say, go take a listen: here.

One of the biggest things I took issue with was John's description of the sex scenes as pornographic. They clearly aren't. I left a few comments via voice mail explaining my position on the sexuality depicted in Staked on the Jesus Geeks comment line and Chris says he'll be playing them in a few weeks on a follow up episode.

I have to say that I truly appreciate Chris and John taking the time to read the book beforing commenting on it. Their comments, even the negative ones, were made in a respectful good-natured manner. Kudos, gentlemen! I appreciate it.

Forums and Free Books and Mario... Oh my!

2009-02-03T23:14:00.002-06:00

We have a new look over at the League of Reluctant Adults. The new look comes with new Leaguers, too... like Mario Acevedo, Michele Bardsley, Dakota Cassidy, Molly Harper, Kelly Meding, Richelle Mead, Nicole Peeler, Cherie Priest, Jennifer Rardin, Michelle Rowen, and Jeanne Stein.

As if that wasn't enough, all your favorite Leaguers from way back in last week are still there: Mark Henry, Stacia Kane, Jackie Kessler, Caitlin Kittredge, J. F. Lewis (Hey, that's me!), Anton Strout, and Jaye Wells.

But I said contests didn't I? I'm giving away a signed ARC of ReVamped (or a can of SpaghettiOs... depending on preference). You can comment here to participate.

And there are other contests, too. Like oh... an ARC of Red-headed Stepchild by Jaye Wells.

And did I mention we have forums now? Come on over and check out the new site!

Urban Fantasy Land Readers' Choice Awards

2009-01-27T14:25:00.004-06:00

There are only a fews days left in the voting, so be sure to run over here and vote in Urban Fantasy Land's Reader's Choice Awards while there is still time. To vote for your favorite debut author you'll have to leave a comment (and if that's me, great, but if it isn't that's cool, too), but whomever you wish to vote for, make sure to let your vote count. It appears that prizes may be awarded to voters, so who knows, you just might win something for the effort. :)

Cheers,

Jeremy

New League Post

2009-01-22T12:05:00.001-06:00

I posted at the League of Reluctant Adults today.

Vampires + Musicals + Barack Obama

http://www.leagueofreluctantadults.com/2009/01/barackula-musical.html

ReVamped Gets PW review

2009-01-16T11:44:00.003-06:00

/happy dance

That's not the review, just my reaction to it.

In fact, please pardon me while I bury the lead.

Let me take you back to early 2008 when a soon-to-be-published author, yours truly, was frantic for reviews. I still am. I don't know if that ever goes away, but we're not talking about me now, we're talking about me then, the author who hadn't figured out how Google alerts worked, the author who is waiting for someone, anyone, to say something (again... ANYTHING) about his book.

Picture him, if you can. He wakes up each morning and does a Google search for variations of his own name, the title of his book, and the word "review." Then, in case the search hasn't picked them up, he goes to various review sites that he hopes will review his book and searches and pours and frets. He does the same thing at lunch and when he returns home from works and in the middle of the night...

Lets leave him there fretting. He looks amusing hunched over his laptop at Krystal fighting with their free wireless network, brow furrowed, as he squints through the glare. He's nowhere near as fun to watch once the Library Journal review comes out. He's still obsessive, but the frantic nature of his OCD has lessened.

One of those places I checked every week (if not every day) was Publishers Weekly. So imagine my surprise when this time around, I get this... before I'd even thought to look for it:

"ReVamped J.F. Lewis. Pocket, $15 paper (352p) ISBN 978-1-4391-0228-2

Vampire fans who like their blood and gore leavened with humor should enjoy the campy sequel to 2008's Staked. Eric Courtney, strip club owner and operator in Void City, is coming to terms with existence as a ghost vampire after dying in an explosion that totaled his place of business. His former fiancée, Marilyn, tells Eric that his best friend betrayed him, but the demon J'iliol'lth collects her soul before she can explain further. Worse yet, Eric's beloved Mustang somehow gets turned into a vampire. Eric accepts a commission from J'iliol'lth to find the Stone of Aeternem, which enables its holder to raise the dead, in exchange for immortality and the return of Marilyn's soul. The jokes are far from subtle, but Lewis's creativity elevates this above similar outings. (Mar.)"

I'm not sure what the pull quote would be, but I'm tickled pink to have the book favorably reviewed. :)

This is not quite how I remember Star Wars...

2009-01-15T20:40:00.000-06:00

Star Wars: Retold (by someone who hasn't seen it) from Joe Nicolosi on Vimeo.

Holiday Antics in Guild Wars

2008-12-24T08:00:00.001-06:00

Whatever you celebrate, I hope you have a wonderful time. At the Lewis Household, we've been baking, fruitcaking and all kinds of stuff. Heck, we've even found the time to fight off a cold or two. And in between, we've even had time to play a little Guild Wars and help keep

Wintersday safe from the grenches.

Grenches are mean little guys who work for Grenth, the Guild Wars equivalent of all the nastiest gods in various mythologies.

Fortunately, TJ, my warrior, is up to the challenge. With peppermint shield and sword in hand, Yule Cap (which looks deceptively like a Santa Hat) firmly on his head, he sets out to the Secrete Lair of the Snowmen to save Wintersday. Hey, it's for the kids! :)

Heh. I call this last shot: To me, my Snowmen.

Happy Holidays, Everyone!

Dragon Page Cover to Cover Interview (or Mike Stackpole says you should buy my book)

2008-12-23T10:27:00.005-06:00

I've spoken before about The Dragon Page Cover to Cover podcast and how much I love the show. Well, the guys were nice enough to have me on for an interview. We don't talk about the Staked or ReVamped much, but we *do* talk about the recent unpleasantness regarding the personal attacks I've gotten as a result of the publication of both books.

There is also some very interesting chat between Mike & Mike about beliefs after the interview.

Cover Art for ReVamped

2008-12-23T10:12:00.004-06:00

Well, as some of you may have notice (Hi, Jerry) Amazon has some cover art up for ReVamped. Currently, that version has the wrong quote, but this one doesn't:

The cover artist is Gene Mollica this time around and I think he did a great job! :)

Holiday Happenings At Urban Fantasy Land

2008-12-17T15:47:00.003-06:00

The folks over at Urban Fantasy Land having been contacting urban fantasy authors to find out what they do for the holidays. I'm up today, so here's a link. And for those who were wondering if I *really* wear that black apron with the Zelazny quote...

Dead Robots' Society Interview

2008-12-13T17:41:00.003-06:00

So... if hearing me blab on and on about Staked and writing is your idea of a good time, then head on over to the episode 62 of the Dead Robots' Society. It was great fun speaking with Justin and Terry (even if Ryan was too busy wandering around the mall to be there and give me my Candanian Rage fix). If you haven't heard this podcast before, these guys are great. Check 'em out.

I Can Haz Blurb?!?

2008-12-09T12:19:00.003-06:00

As further proof that she's just plain nice, Sherrilyn Kenyon took time out of her busy (and I do mean busy) schedule to read ReVamped (Book 2 in my Void City Series) and provide the following blurb:

"J.F. Lewis has delivered an explosively written vampire tale!"

- Sherrilyn Kenyon #1 New York Times best selling author of the Dark-Hunter series.

How cool is that?!?

Thank you, Sherrilyn! :)

Urban Fantasy Author Gets Facelift...

2008-12-01T11:15:00.003-06:00

... for his website.

Hey! Wait. Was that misleading? ;)

That's right, folks, Mark Henry, fellow Leaguer and Urban Fantasy Author, all around funny guy, self-proclaimed Zombie Enthusiast and Snark Stylist, the man with two first names... has rolled out a new look for his website. He's even giving away books to celebrate. So if you like snarky zombies or free books, be sure to swing by and check out the new look.

It's Dream Given Form Time Again

2008-11-24T13:54:00.007-06:00

Please pardon my Babylon 5 reference...

I sent the page proofs for ReVamped off today via next day UPS goodness so it will be in the hands of my editor by the deadline. Yay! Meeting deadline = good. :) It took longer than intended for me to get through the page proofs because a bizarre combination of bronchitis and a small cut in my ear canal. For several days, the ear canal injury was worse than the bronchitis, but the coughing and wheezing has finally overcome the ear issue. Only two more weeks of antibiotics and inhalers to go! Woo-hoo!

Which kind of makes me a bit:

But not no worries, because I *did* meet the dealine, so, to reward myself, I watched The Incredible Hulk (the new one not the hideous one from a few years ago). They had me at "Hulk Smash!" That's really all I can say about the movie. It's not as awesome as Iron Man, but it's sooo much better than the Hulk's previous movie outing that I can go watch Ang Lee's really cool martial arts films again with out cringing because of Hulk aftertaste.

I've also been listening to plenty of Trans-Siberian Orchestra Christmas music (I know it's not even Thanksgiving yet, but I'm doing it anyway - MWAHAHAHA!) and I even got to watch the Iron Chef America Thanksgiving episode. All of which has left me much more:

(A quick note to all the WebKinz owners who see Percy at zero Happiness and wonder what I did to my poor little WebKin to make him so unhappy: I wasn't me. It was the ghost. 'Nuff said.)

Coming up soon-ish: An updated publication journey to publication timeline as we near the publication of ReVamped. Soon it will be a real physical object! Squee!

Be Afraid and Win a Copy of Staked!

2008-10-31T10:20:00.003-05:00

I've got a guest blog about one of my phobias as well as a chance to win a copy of Staked over at Amberkatze's Bloog Blog: here

Here's a video hint about what scares me: